Archive for March, 2009

JAKE...SMASH...ARGGH!!!

Hey peons, Jake here.

I am the newest Couch Pirate here to bash your brains with all the MMA, Wrestling, Politics, Eugenics, and Randomness you can handle.  I can even watch movies, play games, read comics, and formulate opinions, so I may do that when I damn well feel like it.

Wait, I’m sorry.  That was a little more abrasive than I meant it to be.  Let me put Surly Jake back in his box.  There, Happy Fun Time Jake is here now.  Okay plebeians, I am working on some stuff about the upcoming UFC events, my experiences at Wrestlemania 25 this weekend, probably some political stuff, why I don’t buy comics anymore, and people that bitch about movies too much.  Maybe about people who just bitch about everything too much, you know, internet trolls, nerds…bandies…disgusting. The random stuff will be largely stream of consciousness; much like this post.

A little about me.  I am a graduate of the University of Oklahoma with a Bachelor’s Degree in History, mainly focused in the Ancient World.  I could have done much better in school but I am sometimes lazy and have a problem with authority.  I used to be able to read Latin really proficiently, but that was years ago.  I wish I knew French, German, and Chinese.  I was almost in medical school once, and I used to play football.  I am married to God’s gift to me and we have a perfect 4 year old son and soon will have another perfect son and perfect daughter.  I am Mr. Mom and I will smash anyone that laughs at me.  Plus, that was a pretty formative movie in my life and pretty funny, too.  Wow, Teri Garr sure was hot back then.  I am an aspiring writer, so this site is a perfect brain exercise for my brain area.  (Note: Unlike you normal humans, my brain has spread throughout my body, resulting in super human intelligence, charisma, and sexiness.)  I enjoy puzzles and hate Mensa because Sharon Stone is in it.  I like animals too much, and I hate hippies.  Baby boomers make me want to puke and girls are hottest when they have a little extra fat.  I have a list of people that need to be lynched and not one of them is “ethnic”.  The term “ethnic” is convenient but disingenuous.  Greatest humans in order: Jesus, Alexander, Julius Caesar, Me, Stalin.  Worst humans in order: the first hippie, Hitler, Senator Phil Gramm, Gandhi, the Tard Triumvirate (some of you know who they are).

I guess that is enough narcissistic babbling.  Some of what I write is a joke, some is completely serious.  I leave it to your intellectualism to figure that out.  Hope you are entertained even if I don’t like you.  WAR OUT!!!