Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Comics, Zombies and Bacon
Archive for April, 2009
Dr Octogon Brings the Science: Strikeforce 4/11/09 Edition
Apr 24th
Greetings all my awaiting MMA-ites. A lot of fights have taken place since our last meeting and I am going to try to burn through all the results and reviews as fast as possible. Strikeforce had an event on Showtime back on April 11, showing off some lady-on-lady action, a Diaz-Shamrock grudge match, and an Interim Lightweight Title defense. Strikeforce bought many of the defunct Elite-XC’s assets and is the place we will see the future fights of Tito Ortiz and Gina Carano. Most of their big name fighters are guys who have problems with the UFC for various reasons, many stemming from strained relationships with Dana White or the UFC’s strict focus on drug policies and public image. However, a fact not to be ignored, if Nick Diaz were as big a draw as Rampage, Diaz the Elder would still be an UFC fighter.
Hitomi Akano vs Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos-Women’s Division 145
There was no end to the controversy coming into this fight. Akano normally fights at 135 but wanted to fight Santos because she felt that Cyborg’s kakutou-ka style matched up well. Unfortunately, Cyborg came in 7 pounds over her contracted 145 lb weight limit. The scales say she eventually made weight the night of the fight but there was debate over that as well.
In the bout, it was obvious that Christiane was much stronger and heavier. The Japanese fighter, Akano had lots of game against the amazon but she just could not over come the strength disparity. By the end of the 1st Round, Hitomi Akano was employing the “armadillo” strategy; when Cyborg would try to clinch, she would drop and throw her legs out. In the 2nd Round, Cyborg just teed off at will on Akano’s head. At this point, it became apparent that Santos had very little knock out power in her hands. This may have been due to the major weight cut, but more likely has something to due with the physiology of the female upper body. The 3rd Round came and Akano retreated back to the way of the armadillo, but to no avail. Christiane finally caught her in the clinch and ko’d her via knees. Cyborg appeared susceptible to Jui Jitsu, but Akano was just not strong enough to get by her defenses.
Akano: Stay Tuned Santos: Stay Tuned
A quick editorial on women’s MMA, especially in Strikeforce and the tradition they have inherited from Elite-XC. They have got to do something about this weight issue. Both Cyborg and Gina Carano have had problems making the 145 weight limit. If they can’t, that is fine. As Akano’s camp suggested, maybe they should fight in an open weight division. As much as I love Gina Carano, and would do pretty much whatever she told me to do, as long as Strikeforce allows their two ambassadors of women’s MMA to show up heavy, they do the whole sport an injustice. The controversy and weight issues is why I gave both fighters a Stay Tuned. In the venerable, eloquent words of Dana White, “Make f-ing weight, it is f-ing season nine.”
Ron “Abongo” Humphrey vs Brett Rogers 265-Heavyweight
This fight was interesting in that they are both extremely big guys and both were fairly active. In the case of Abongo, he was constantly moving and striking; something that was inspiring to see out of a big man. Brett Rogers has very good takedown defense and and a deadly clinch. But there is where it started to suck. Every time Rogers went for a clinch, Abongo would move his head, Rogers hand would get stuck in Abongo’s dreads and the referee would break the clinch. Rogers actually had points deducted this happened so many times. He had Abongo rocked a couple of times from shots he delivered as his hand got caught in the mass of hair. Now, Abongo was acting like a real pansy every time this happened. Guess what, having your hair pulled really doesn’t hurt that much and if you are going to get this kind of advantage out of having long hair then there is no way I would ever cut my hair as a mixed martial artist. They are telling me, you can counter a Muay Thai clinch simply by letting your hair grow long and braiding it. I am in. Look out Anderson Silva. Your weakness is some goof ball with long hair. Come one people, this is a serious freaking sport. If getting his hair pulled, inadvertently I repeat, some how hinders Abongo’s fighting ability, then he needs to cut his damn hair. You cannot deduct points from his opponent for getting his hand caught and nailing him in the face. Restrict hair length in MMA or take the NFL stance before they put controls on hair length, “it is part of the jersey”. In other words, we are men, it is part of the game, if it gets pulled, so what, you chose to grow it out. In the end, it didn’t matter. Brett put Abongo out on his feet in the second round and Herb Dean stopped the fight. Good job on even more controversy, Strikeforce. By the way, neither man could touch Fedor, Mir, Lesnar, or even Kongo.
Humphrey: Look Away Rogers: Stay Tuned
Scott Smith vs Benji Radach 185-Middleweight
The battle of The Ultimate Fighter cast off versus the guy who was Matt Horwich’s biggest win. Check out this link to get opinion on that: SOUP CAN. Needless to say, I was not excited for this match up. However, it was entertaining for what it was. There was a good pace and the action was pretty good when the fighters were fighting with their heads. At one point in the 1st Round, Smith was rocked hard and Radach took him to the ground for no apparent reason. He could have ended the bout there if he had thrown a few more punches. The 2nd Round was completely dominated by Benji Radach and the 3rd Round looked to be going the same way. Then out of no where, Scott Smith ko’d Radach with a lightning quick right hand. It was dramatic and explosive. But that right hand is ALL SCOTT SMITH HAS. Maybe he is a smaller Chuck Liddell, but that is likely giving him too much credit. Sorry, I just cannot get behind a guy that could not win The Ultimate Fighter and then subsequently not hack it in the UFC when he got his shot.
Smith: Stay Tuned Radach: Stay Tuned
Rodrigo Damm vs Gilbert Melendez 155-Interim Lightweight Championship
The Champion Josh Thompson was forced out of his title defense with a broken leg. He was replaced by Rodrigo Damm and the bout became a contest for the Interim Championship to be unified when Thompson recovers from surgery. The whole fight was pretty one sided, Melendez took Damm to the ground with a Silva-leg-catch and pounded his face in for the majority of Round 1. In the second, Melendez caught Damm walking into a right hand and dropped him to win the Interim Lightweight Championship. Because of the way Damm stepped, when he circled to his right, it opened up the striking angle to Melendez. His corner probably notices this in the 1st Round, because he came out circling to his left in the 2nd Round. The problem is that is where all Melendez’ power is, so he walked into a right handed a-bomb.
Damm: Stay Tuned Melendez: Look Out
Nick Diaz vs Frank Shamrock 185-Middleweight
A Diaz was involved so there was an insane amount of trash talking leading up to this fight. A Shamrock was involved so there was an equally insane amount of posturing leading up to this fight. In the fight, they called it a catch weight bout, but the records show both fighters made weight. The 1st Round was easy to give to Diaz, as he obviously did the most damage. Shamrock had some nice strikes and some really impressive reversals from the bottom, but he was outmatched. You could see his expertise is still there and he probably did everything right. As oppose to the Damm-Melendez fight, Shamrock circled to his right, away from the south paw Diaz’ power. He had a good game plan, but in the 2nd Round Diaz stalked him down. Nick hit Frank with a severe body shot that sent him to the canvas, jumped on him and ground and pound until he got the TKO. Diaz did look winded while he was throwing punches in the 2nd, so that could indicate a conditioning problem for the future.
Diaz: Look Out Shamrock: Stay Tuned
All in all, it was a relatively entertaining card. I was so underwhelmed with the bigger named fighters on the card, that I didn’t bother to track down film of the preliminary fights. The highlight of the night was definitely Gina Carano in street clothes. My fantasy gets more and more detailed. Seriously, I gave a lot of Stay Tuned ratings just because it is difficult to tell how good fighters are at this level of competition. Say what you will, but a lot of guys outside of the UFC are cast offs. I gave Frank Shamrock a Stay Tuned when I would normally give a fighter a Look Away, because I don’t think a legend of the sport has to go out on mine or any fan’s terms. He has certainly not sunk to the depths of his brother, Ken. Up next is my 90% complete review of UFC 97: Silva vs Leites…STAY TUNED.
The Return of Rate This Chick & Merch!!!
Apr 20th
Now we’re cookin’!
After a very long break, I just posted a new Rate This Chick and this time, everyone can chime in! One of the greatest things about this software platform is the ability to not only let the Couch Pirates have their say, but our friends and fans can join in on the fun too! We had people fighting to get in on the Rate This Chick panel, so no more complaints… time to participate!
Also, I just created a new Couch Pirates merchandise store and there’s a link to it at the top of the site. Of course I can also give you the link to the store here. There’s a lot more variety this time around and I will be adding additional items soon.
Rate This Chick – “Lana”
Apr 20th
Self Summary:
I love the outdoors and nature!!! I love music and animals… I am an old fashioned girl who is very romantic… Love long walks, sunsets, the beach, travel…
I do want to be spoiled in every sense of the word!
I am not into web cam sex or any freaky stuff like that… I am looking for something real….
Well, I thought I might as well add more. What is a perfectly intriguing, sweet and mysterious girl doing sitting here in front of this keyboard? I want to be any where but here. I would love to be standing somewhere with sand in between my toes… Maybe looking up at a pryrimid in Egypt… Nah, I don’t want much! LOL!
I want to live my life like the adventure I dreamed it would be 20 years ago. I have been at this job of sifting through profiles for quite some time now. But if I know anything I know that patience, determination and good taste pay off in the end. I want a well traveled man. An educated man, but not a stuffed shirt… An incredibly romantic man… One that can make me melt by just looking at me. One with a mischievious side too… Also a rich man is a must!!! So, let the haters hate, but I am not going to settle for anything less than the whole package… I love to laugh and I have a huge imagination! I am slightly gothic and very dramatic… I love to dress up and I love to hang out in the woods and get all dirty n’ smellin’ like a campfire. I am a kind of “glamorous bohemian” with dreams of becoming a writer… Anyways…Thats all~ for now…XXOO, Lana
What I’m Doing:
Going to college… Looking for my other half… Soaking up sunshine!!! Looking for a man to take care of me… I want to move to the beach in Pensacola to go to college there and be near family… I do not have any problem being a misstress as long as I am spoiled and kept happy… I have had a hard life and am ready to enjoy the finer things in life a rich man can provide… I want to please him of course but I have needs… I want to be VERY spoiled and happy… Call me superfcial if you want but I know what I want and if I am happy~ I guarantee you WILL BE…
I’m Really Good At:
I am an empath, I can sense what others are feeling. I am funny! Alot of times I am not really trying…
If you want to give her a number rating the scale is 1.0 to 10.0.
SWORD OF BAD #2 The Return Of A Hammer Wielding God!
Apr 19th
I’ll Swallow Your Soul!!!
Hastings is the home of good stuff but I never thought it would yield a sweet golden nugget such as this!!!
Oh yes, 14 of the best 80′s-tastic prop comedy specials to ever hit television! For you youngsters out there Gallagher offered alot of whimsical looks at 80′s life but nobody really cared about that…it was the Sledge-O-Matic that kept me and everybody else coming back! He would smash all kinds of fruit, vegetables and appliances RIGHT THERE ON STAGE!!!! Nobody’s mom told him to cut it out and stop smashing stuff. In fact it was what got that guy major applause. He was truly living the dream. The question is can I stay awake long enough to watch them all in 1 sitting…..
This just in…
Apr 16th
I would like to bang Rudy from The Cosby Show sometime, oh… Today?
Hommina! Hommina!
She’s one of the hottest 80′s child star broads out there! Danica McKellar might be at the top, however not by much!
I think the middle girl from Full House would probably be the best in the sack. She’s used to being angry and needing a meth fix, so I figure if its still any good, it’s probably really good.
See for yourself.
Part of me feels like borderline pedo lusting for these broads because 98% of my memories of them are them as kids. However, those mammoth milkbags on these dames are pretty good for a titty total recall job on the highest order!
Debriefed Intel
Apr 15th
We win.
The only tragedy is that one of these jerkoffs who’s never used toilet paper was taken alive.
I hope each one of the sniper rounds was dipped in pig blood beforehand.
Fuck. Them.
Gravatar
Apr 14th
See those avatars that some of us have after our comments? Those are generated by the site “Gravatar” and it’s about a two minute process to upload a photo, register it to the same email address you post your comments with… and then voila!… you can have a picture to go along with your posts. That photo will follow you to other sites that use Gravatar as well.
Want to know more? Visit the Gravatar website.
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
Apr 13th
This is truly a sad day. I just found out that Marilyn Chambers body was found in her trailer at age 57. I thought I felt a disturbance. Poor, sexy lady. She was a beautiful porn pioneer. This lady took John Holmes in the butt, people. Before it was cool to take giant dongs in the butt. She did it because she was an entertainer. I will pour one out for my home girl. Her soul now roams the earth, looking for hosts, turning normal, suburban women into crazed porn stars. Pray the Spirit of Marilyn visits every naughty boy and girl. RIP, Ms. Insatiable.
Dr Octogon Brings the Science: 04/10/09 Edition
Apr 10th
UFC Fight Night, The Ultimate Fighter 9.1, 9.2, and WEC 40 have all come and gone. And I am now just getting caught up on all of it. I tracked down and waded through all this gooey fight goodness, trying to find some nuggets of insight into the future top MMA contenders. We had some dominant performances at Fight Night, many lackluster showings, some bad-ass Brits on TUF 9.1, a surprise Browning on TUF 9.2, and one tough gamer show up and fill in at WEC 40. I am going to give a quick rundown of each bout and I have a new trichotomy to give cursory insight into the individual outings: Look Out means their potential could blow up any moment, Look Away means the fighter needs to go back to the drawing board, and Stay Tuned means they are grinders and need some key work to sniff their potential.
Carlos Condit vs Martin Kampmann 170-Welterweight
Both of the headliners were super tough, and had opportunities to end the bout. Kampmann was obviously stronger, coming down from a higher weight, but the decision could have gone either way. Though I would have scored the fight in favor of Split Decision winner, Kampmann, I would not have been upset if Condit had been given the Split.
Kampmann: Look Out Condit: Look out
Ryan Bader vs Carmelo Marrero 205-Lt. Heavyweight
Bader dominated this bout for almost every minute. He needs better subs because he can completely overpower his opponents with strength and wrestling. Good show to Arizona Combat Sports for all their young MMA talent. With a little focus on Jiu-Jitsu and striking refinement, Bader will show that he is more than a big strong wrestler. That being said, Marrero did have opportunities to throw submissions. He just did not have the game, and the viewer could tell he gave up and got rolled on in the third round. Bader won a much deserved Unanimous Decision.
Bader: Stay Tuned Marrero: Look Away
Tyson Griffin vs Rafael Dos Anjos 155-Lightweight
Griffin was his normal, explosive, well-rounded self. Dos Anjos surprised me that he threw submissions from all directions. He also displayed good striking ability and I believe this bout was very close. The Unanimous Decision for Griffin surprised me because I expected a Split.
Griffin: Look Out Dos Anjos: Look Out
Junie Browning vs Cole Miller 155-Lightweight
Junie was better than his last showing, his aggression was a welcome sight, but he was wild. Cole was just better and more experienced, plain and simple. He submitted Junie in the first round with a Guillotine. Browning needs a lot more refining. If he was not such a firestarter, his time in the UFC would probably be on hiatus. On the other hand, it is time for Cole Miller to step up and make the next step. He is on that kind of a threshold.
Miller: Stay Tuned Browning: Look Away
Gleison Tibau vs Jeremy Stephens 155-Lightweight
Tibau is big and strong for 155. He was able to control Stephens throughout the fight, and had some vicious throws to the mat. He just kept grinding and grinding, pointing him out for an Unanimous Decision.
Tibau: Stay Tuned Stephens: Look Away
Ricardo Almeida vs Matt Horwich 185-Middleweight
Sigh, the one I got wrong. * sob * This kind of thing is hard for me to talk about. * sob * Oh well, I did think this could go either way, but the Matt Horwich I love and remember just did not show up. Maybe he never existed. We can just chalk it up to the difference between the UFC and the IFL. Almeida got the Unanimous Decision in every way. Ricardo’s Jiu-Jitsu knowledge outpaced Horwich’s execution of his aforementioned, limited submission portfolio. Horwich’s striking looked sloppy, and Almeida matched his conditioning. End of story. Alas, poor Horwich…
Almeida: Stay Tuned Horwich: Look Away
Brock Larson vs Jesse Sanders 170-Middleweight
This may have been a match I should have reviewed in the first place, but that is what you get when you are being hasty. Brock Larson came into this fight with only two losses: Carlos Condit and Jon Fitch. The NCAA Tournament Selection Committee would say those are pretty good losses. And Jesse Sanders is a tough guy with a lot of experience under his belt as a former Golden Gloves Champion as well as in the Octagon. However, Larson completely obliterated Sanders. He literally forced him to the ground maintaining side control, took Sanders’ back, pounded his head a bit, then sunk the Rear Naked Choke. The bout gave Larson his 25th win and he has already been slated to fight Chris Wilson at UFC 98 in place of the injured Josh Koscheck.
Larson: Look Out Sanders: Stay Tuned
Tim Credeur vs Nick Catone 185-Middleweight
Catone was able to get takedowns pretty much at will, but Credeur put on a great Jiu-Jitsu clinic. He was using his Jiu-Jitsu to maneuver, protect, advance, and win. He was masterful, committing his whole game plan to his submission acuity. Credeur threw holds from every single imaginable position of advantage or disadvantage, applying a Kimura when Catone had his back. Finally, Catone submitted to the onslaught when Credeur sunk in a Guillotine in the second round. Credeur: Look out Catone: Stay Tuned
Jorge Rivera vs Nissen Osterneck 185-Middleweight
This was one of the less exciting matches of the night, but I will give Jorge the benefit of the doubt. He has had some recent personal tragedy with the death of his daughter. However, I was surprised when he got the Split Decision instead of Unanimous. It seemed like he won the first two rounds, and definitely the second. There is some room for argument on the first and third rounds, but I still expected all three judges to give him at least two rounds each. Jorge did almost finish the fight several times. In the end, I do not feel either man fought an incredibly smart fight.
Rivera: Stay Tuned Osterneck: Stay Tuned
Rob Kimmons vs Joe Vedepo 185-Middleweight
Kimmons jumped on Vedepo from the beginning, bringing his American Jiu-Jitsu style to the Octagon. He was able to bring in good striking and then choked him out with a Rear Naked Choke. We really did not get to see much out of either man, but Kimmons display was very impressive.
Kimmons: Look Out Vedepo: Stay Tuned
Tim McKenzie vs Aaron Simpson 185-Middleweight
Look out, another Arizona State University wrestling alumni has hit the Octagon, along with Ryan Bader and CB Dollaway. Aaron Simpson hit the cage like a terror and took McKenzie apart. He was aggressive, quick, and got the TKO in under two minutes. Simpson is now 5-0 and I can not wait to see more.
Simpson: Look Out McKenzie: Look Away
WEC 40-Miguel Torres vs Takeya Mizugaki 135-Bantamweight Championship
I have seen Torres fight before and boy is he always a dervish of fists, legs, and body. In fact, you should make a point of watching all the Bantamweight and Featherweight action you can in the WEC. These guys are small but they are crazed and always put on a good show. Brian Bowles, the #1 Contender had to drop from the fight, so Mizugake stepped up to take his place. And this guy was a gamer. Takeya wanted none of Torres’ tuned groundwork, so the two men stood toe-to-toe for 25 minutes. It was an arm slinging brawl that the Champion, Torres barely escaped with his title. This bout could be fight of the year. Do yourself a favor and track it down, watch it and enjoy.
Torres: Look Out Mizugaki: Look Out
The Ultimate Fighter 9.1
This season of The Ultimate Fight pits Team UK, helmed by Michael “The Count” Bisping, against Team USA, led by Dan Henderson. The show’s first episode is in Bisping’s gym, the grammatically incorrect Wolfslair, where half of the normal preliminary bouts take place. Each team will have four Lightweights (155) and four Welterweights (170).
As an aside, is it just me or every season is there a competitor that is the coach’s gym mate? And more often than not, this “gym guy” turns out to be slag and just makes his friend and gym look bad. Sorry, just kind of sick of these guys. I understand that in the UK it is probably unavoidable since it is a smaller country and the sport is relatively new over there.
Anyway, I am just going to do a quick rundown of the winners to familiarize ourselves with them.
Andre Winner-155: Quick and easy, he put his opponent in the clutch and dropped him.
Jeff Lawson-155: He looked for the Armbar a lot, and showed nice Jiu-Jisu.
James Wilks-170: Caught his opponent with a nice Judo Heel Hook.
Martin Stapleton-155: Finished with a Rear Naked Choke.
Ross Pearson-155: His opponent escaped his takedowns quite a lot. He was strong and made good use of his knees for the TKO, but was also susceptible to knees.
Nick Osipczak-170: He looks like the grown up version of the kid in Bedknobs and Broomsticks. He has good knees and strikes, and did not panic when he was taken down.
Dean Amasinger-170: He maybe had the best opponent in Alex Reid. He is black and British, which is awesome. He is tough and was able to escape a tight Triangle Choke. It was a real close fight but Dean had control.
David Faulkner-170: He finished with a vicious Heel Hook that came out of nowhere.
I was impressed with every single UK winner. I think they all could be really tough competitors and at least they are all ready to compete. Dean Amasinger is one of the best based on his opponent, and James Wilks could be a surprise, beating one of the early favorites in the preliminaries.
The Ultimate Fighter 9.2
The Team USA preliminaries do not start out well. Two guys show up off weight and another had an infectious disease. So, herpes guy and one weight guy are gone from the beginning and Dana White tells everyone he plans on brining in a couple of more fighters to compete for the remaining Lightweight and Welterweight spots.
Mark Miller-170: Poor guy has to knock out his buddy, Kevin Knabjian. Both men looked to be good fighters with especially quality stand up.
Ritchie Whitson-155: “The Red Flurry” was on his opponent from the bell and sunk in a Rear Naked Choke for the win.
Santino Defranco-155: He was dominated for the first round, seemed to wake up, and connected with a perfect knee in the beginning of the second. He then had a nice scramble and got the Rear Naked Choke.
Jason Pierce-170: This guy fainted from cutting weight and then won the most lackluster, unimpressive decision so far.
Cameron Dollar-155: He was dominated for most of two rounds, then suddenly took his opponents back and got the Read Naked Choke. Maybe a surprise Tim Credeur?
Damarques Johnson-170: Wins the award for ridiculously spelled out name, but he seems cool and completely dominated his bout.
I am so far impressed with only two Team USA members, Mark Miller and Ritchie Whitson, and one guy that got eliminated, Kevin Knabjian. I think maybe the UFC messed up here, eliminating one of their better fighters by pitting him against his almost equal training partner. The next episode will finish out the two extra USA preliminaries and get all the guys in the house. Frank Lester will face Kyle Reed in the Welterweight class and Jason Dent will face Rob Browning in the Lightweight class. That’s right, I said “Browning”. The Browning Clan seems to have spawned more than once, and Junie’s little bro is going to be on the show. You could see the advertising dollar signs in Dana’s eyes when he found out he could call in another Lightweight. What a smart dude. Next week’s preview does spoil things a bit: it shows Browning the Younger smashing an egg on Jason Pierce’s chest in the house. So we can only assume Rob wins his prelim. Let the chaos ensue.
There is a Strikeforce event tomorrow at the HP Pavilion in San Jose, CA. I am going to try to track down some video of the fights and review it for everyone. In the Lightweight Championship Fight, Josh Thompson, ranked the #9 Lightweight will defend against Gilbert Melendez. Also, Frank Shamrock will face Nick Diaz in a bout for craziest fight family, #4 Welterweight Jake Shields faces Joe Riggs, IFL contender Benji Radach fights Scott Smith, and Christiane “Cyborg” Santos will verse Hitomi Akano in the “Bring Back My Beautiful Gina Carano” division.
Stop the seamonkeys, NOW!
Apr 9th
If someone could offer me a reasonable solution as to why Somali pirates, seamonkeys if you will, are allowed to take even a breath of life after they’re captured? I cannot fathom why they are not sunk at sea and left for shark bait.
Furthermore, why are cargo ships that carry hundreds of millions of dollars worth of cargo not able to arm themselves? It’s a popcorn fart on their budget sheets to do so. It does make one somewhat hesitant to feel bad for them.
The new Navy doesn’t want to engage the pirates really. I cannot imagine any good reason why some small destroyer doesn’t get a few sharpshooters out and simultaneously remove heads from necks on the pirate vessels. Can you imagine if we were such pussies in WWII?
General Pershing? Where are you when we need a man like you?
Bingo Wings & Muffin Tops
Apr 6th
Well, I probably spend more time than I should on the internet. In fact, I own a nice new LCD big screen television that at best, sees 3 hours a week of action. I just don’t watch it much.
That being said, whilst I do waste the overwhelming majority of the time I spend online, occasionally I do get a slight bit of personal justification for doing so. I came across a few new terms to add the ol’ personal lexicon.
Bingo Wings: The spare fat or excess skin that amasses around (stereotypically, women’s) biceps that jiggles openly when wearing sleeveless clothing.
Muffin Tops: The belly fat rollover that occurs when larger folk wear tight(er) pants and don’t wear a shirt or top that will mercifully cover it.
I may have a nice-sized belly, but I’m certain that before I leave home that I’m not wearing half-shirt. The rest of you should only be so courteous.
Sword Of Bad #1
Apr 6th
My Name is a Killing Word.....
In This edition we enter the world of “Mail Order Zombie”!
If you’re like me you have walked out of the video store hoping that the zombie flick you just bought was worth your hard earned cash. Even in this age of web based movie rentals there are still some flicks that only make it to small distributor DVD houses. These low budget labours of love are alot like a minefield, sometimes you make it through them without getting hurt but you are never quite the same. I have always bought these things wishing that somebody would do reviews of them so that I could save a buck now and again. Well, in the words of the Pope John Paul “Let not your heart be troubled” because now somebody has. Mail Order Zombie is an amazing podcast filled with reviews of zombie films, zombie news and feedback from listeners. Brother D is your host and he goes to great lengths to keep you coming back for more with an intelligent and thoughtful look at movies that make most reviewers queasy. As a bonus his Non Zombie movie watching wife Bren comes in and gives her take on each weeks movies with an open mind and alot of really good points.
The movies reviewed are mainly Direct to Video but modern movies get the love too. They have have a voicemail number set up so that folks can call in with their opinions. They even do short reviews of non zombie movies in seperate podcasts called “The Munchies”. All in all I really like it because you can tell Brother D is truly a fan of zombie flicks and doesn’t make it a dump fest on low budget films, its a look at good stuff you might have missed because of a cheesy box cover or a name like Zombieggedon. It’s 100% free so check it out on iTunes or their website http://mailorderzombie.libsyn.com/
The Man Cave
Apr 2nd
Some call it the Man Cave, others call it a Man Room, or Mantuary (Pump calls it Mangri-la), but whatever you call it, the oasis for men is rapidly gaining popularity. According to a survey by ServiceMagic.com, 40 percent of the participants said there is a Man Cave in their home and another 13% say that one is in the plans. DIY network even has a show called, “Man Caves” hosted by contractor Jason Cameron and former NFL player Tony Siragusa, which helps men construct their own special hide-outs.
It’s important to note that the whole genesis of the Man Cave is brought about through co-habitation with women. Those of us who are single don’t have one room as an oasis; our whole home is our cave! It’s when you move in with a woman that all your “stuff” gets relegated to one room… or worse, the trash can. See, as a man, you can’t be allowed to display your comic book and sports treasures because it doesn’t mesh with a women’s shitty Country Kitchen theme that they have been planning since they were four years old!
The Man Cave is emblematic of a movement to minimize and subjugate any display of masculinity. Boys are given pills to keep them from acting out in class, and teams are no longer allowed to keep score to squash competition. Men are encouraged to embrace their feminine side and become “Metrosexuals”. The world doesn’t want you to be A MAN, hence you are given a small parcel of space to put your stuff so that your dirty secrets can be hidden from society.
The Couch Pirates site is kind of a Man Cave for the internet. We’re basically an oasis for men who are tired of having to apologize for being themselves, and for women who love REAL MEN. If you don’t have your own space in your own home, feel free to visit us here, where your voice will be respected and interior design takes its rightful place behind Mixed Martial Arts, Jenna Jameson and Spider-man!
Back? Yes. This time, I’m bald and fat.
Apr 1st
I was just fat before.
No big manifest as of yet. I’m just posting for the sake of getting a touch of content online.
I made the mistake of going to the local grocery store today to pick up a gallon of milk.
*note to self*
N-E-V-E-R let yourself go to the grocery store without checking the calendar. It’s the 1st, and the grocery grabbing bandits were out and they were THICK.
Fortunately, a kind soul that worked there tapped me on the shoulder as she walked by and informed I could simply go to the tobacco counter since I had only the milk. I was mostly relieved, but I must admit I get a sick drive-by-the-crash-and-have-to-look thrill by seeing if people pay with access cards (plastic food stamps, which apparently come invisibly tethered to Nike Shox and BlackBerry phones) if I guess they’re on the dole.
I rarely miss.
Next time, I’ll go to Braum’s where the milk is better anyway.
Dr Octogon Brings the Science: UFC Fight Night 04/01/09 Edition
Apr 1st
Hello, my name is Jake. I am a mixed martial arts addict. Well, recently I have been a recovering addict but I need my fix dammit. Life and a series of lackluster cards have subdued my withdrawals somewhat. But now I have a forum to espouse my opinions. My ego craves this and enables my disease, dipping me back into the dark world of sweaty, muscular men rolling all over each other. Sounds good; lets dive in.
Tonight, UFC Fight Night runs their card on Spike TV at 7pm CT. This appears to be another showcase for all their TUF talent, which is in itself a brilliant move. They get a training camp, minor league and soap opera all rolled into a ratings juggernaut. The UFC gets to promote its present and future while cultivating the very personalities that will make Dana White bank for next decade.
Ryan “Darth” Bader vs Carmelo “The Fury” Marrero
TUF Champion Ryan Bader will be served his first opponent and expect him to continue overpowering the middle of the road fighters in the 205 class; ground and pound.
Tim Credeur vs Nick Catone
Tim Credeur fights Nick Catone in a 185 battle. I like Credeur. I don’t really know why but he seems like a likable type. Maybe he is just a guy that wants to fight a bit and enjoys it, like Forest Griffin. His opponent is a well-rounded wrestler and has all the basics covered to be successful in MMA. But is this a case where well-rounded wrestler means good wrestler, weak everywhere else or is it the case where he is dangerous as hell because he can control the match with his sprawl and takedowns, dictating to his submission or striking game. Catone’s short, undefeated fight history looks deadly: 2 submissions, 3 KO, 1 unanimous decision. I think the fight will go to Credeur. He has proven he has dangerous striking skills, has a superior Jiu-Jitsu game, and Catone probably isn’t big enough to just overpower him.
Junie “The Lunatic” Browning vs Cole “Magrinho” Miller
Junie Browning makes his return to UFC television against Cole Miller in the 155 class. What can you say about Junie Browning? Junie, Junie, Junie. A lot of people hate this guy, but I don’t so much. Maybe it is the Terrell Owens lover in me, but he seemed kind of confused and fragile. I didn’t hate him like I hated Chris Leben, but Leben’s example since he left TUF contributes to that. I definitely didn’t hate him like I hated Ed Herman. That guy came off as just mean, ignorant, and entitled to me; about the worst combinations you can have in a highly trained, super aggressive, hillbilly. Junie has tons of natural ability, but I don’t know if he has the training to succeed. We all know he has not had the gas. His opponent, Cole Miller, is patient, well-trained, and innovative. However, the guys he has defeated have not been all that impressive. Jorge Gurgel is definitely the best but he seems to be eternally haunted by injuries. Andy Wang became the TUF poster boy for “soup can”. Cole will gas Junie and sub him at the end of the second round.
Richard “Big Dog” Almeida vs Matt “Suave” Horwich
The other match I wanted to talk about besides the headliners is the Ricardo Almeida vs Matt Horwich, 185 bout. I saw Matt Horwich fight a lot back when IFL was going. His series of fights including his unanimous decision loss to Ryan McGivern, upsetting Benji Radich with a shocking KO to become Middleweight Champion, then subsequently losing the title to McGivern in a deja vu moment constituted a compelling fight drama. He is unpredictable, scrappy, bearded, and good. He is a submission machine and throws from a lot of different positions. Almeida though is a tough competitor. He is an aged and seasoned UFC vet without all the wear and tear. Ricardo had a six fight win streak before his hiatus and lost to a very talented Patrick Cote in a split decision. He is an expert in Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu but he has not had killer aggression, his fights often go the distance. Horwich hardly ever wins a decision, so if it goes all three rounds, Almeida will be the winner. However, I think Horwich is the better striker, and though Almeida looks stronger it may be illusory. And Horwich is at least as competent in the execution of his Jiu-Jitsu training, though it is less extensive than Almeida’s. Horwich wins with strikes in the third round after a nice Jiu-Jitsu battle in the first two rounds.
Carlos “Natural Born Killer” Condit vs Martin “The Hitman” Kampmann
Researching the main event, I have found it to be a very interesting match up. The last WEC Welterweight Champion Carlos Condit, in his UFC Debut, takes on former Middleweight up and comer Matt Kampmann. I watched Carlos’ second WEC fight last night, in which he defeated John Alessio for the vacated WEC Welterweight Title. I know that sounds lame, but he did defend the title three times since then so he was not a paper champion. He looked impressive in that fight, but seemed to have a serious weakness against the takedown. He countered this with a saucy Jiu-Jitsu game and created situations that allowed him to throw submissions. He showed particularly adroit Muay Thai skill in this fight, working knees on Alessio’s head from the clinch, applying a standing kimura, transitioning that to half guard on the ground, reigning down punches, and then taking the back for a rear naked choke.
Matt Kampmann was a strong contender in the Middleweight division, rolling up nine wins a row, four of them in the UFC, until he was stopped by title contender Nate Marquardt last September. Kampmann is mainly a Muay Thai practitioner as well, but he has won just as many fights with submissions. This fighter has always been a gamer, stepping in when other fighters bowed out. You would have to think he is the stronger fighter, dropping down a weight class but that remains to be seen. At the UFC weigh-ins, Condit looked more cut than he ever had in the WEC.
Their striking is even; their submissions are even. Kampmann trains with Xtreme Coutre. Condit trains with Arizona Combat Sports, who recently produced TUF 8 Light Heavyweight winner Ryan Bader. Arizona is a hot bed for wrestling talent, so if he has been working on his takedown defense, Condit must have gotten better. Condit should not be able to take Kampmann down in a traditional manner. It will be Muay Thai versus Muay Thai and Condit’s guard against Kampmann’s scramble abilities. They are both aggressive fighters that I expect them to push the action, so it will be an entertaining fight. Kampmann has been at 170 for over six months; therefore, gassing should not be an issue. I keep leaning towards Kampmann in a close decision, but this fight really could go either way. Both men are dangerous on their feet and on the ground.
Tonight, the new season of The Ultimate Fighter debuts, featuring Team “Hendo” vs Team “Count”. I will try to get my thoughts up on this premiere and the Fight Night results as soon as possible, but I am about to take a little vacation so it may be the middle of next week. Have fun while I am away.
