The Couch Pirates

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Stop the seamonkeys, NOW!

Posted by Couch Pirate Pump On April - 9 - 2009

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If someone could offer me a reasonable solution as to why Somali pirates, seamonkeys if you will, are allowed to take even a breath of life after they’re captured? I cannot fathom why they are not sunk at sea and left for shark bait.

Furthermore, why are cargo ships that carry hundreds of millions of dollars worth of cargo not able to arm themselves? It’s a popcorn fart on their budget sheets to do so. It does make one somewhat hesitant to feel bad for them.

The new Navy doesn’t want to engage the pirates really. I cannot imagine any good reason why some small destroyer doesn’t get a few sharpshooters out and simultaneously remove heads from necks on the pirate vessels. Can you imagine if we were such pussies in WWII?

General Pershing? Where are you when we need a man like you?

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12 Responses to “Stop the seamonkeys, NOW!”

  1. Taco says:

    You are right, the United States needs to once again be strong. Backing down to “Sea Monkeys” only gives them more confidence to do bigger and worse things.

    Speaking of pirates and booty, I love me some couchpirate girl, bring her back please. yummy!

    • Kevin says:

      I think our old Couch Pirate Girl has retired. We need some new ones!

      Hmmm… maybe we need a contest!

      • Taco says:

        NO! Don’t say she retired. I must see more of her and that bottom.

        I like the idea of the contest, just get women with the same body as the last one.

  2. Jake says:

    But we pirates. Might they get confused and shoot us?

  3. okidoll says:

    I agree 100%. Why the hell didn’t they have weapons or security, and now I’ve stopped feeling sorry for the captain and his 15 ultimate fails at escape. I guess we’ve all turned into pussies.

    What I desperately wanted to see was the shipmates banding together and beating the living shit and blood out of the “pirates” then hang them off the ship as a warning. I use the term pirates loosely as these turds would make Captain Hook roll in his watery grave.

    You know why they keep doing this? Because they get away with it, and they don’t even have a well thought out plan. They just sail up there hoping to catch you off guard.

  4. Pump says:

    But we’re finding out they’re simply misunderstood teenagers.

    Turns out it’s all our fault!

    Good thing I watch CBS.

  5. Pump says:

    Well, with all this gladhanding with Cuba going on, I’m hoping that the blacks and bedwetting libs that put B. Hussein Obama in office take a long hard look at how black folk live 88 miles south of the Keys…

    I’m guessing that won’t make it Katie’s evening broadcast.

    Oops! I think I just made a watch list. :(

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