Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Comics, Zombies and Bacon
Rate This Chick – “Lana”
Self Summary:
I love the outdoors and nature!!! I love music and animals… I am an old fashioned girl who is very romantic… Love long walks, sunsets, the beach, travel…
I do want to be spoiled in every sense of the word!
I am not into web cam sex or any freaky stuff like that… I am looking for something real….
Well, I thought I might as well add more. What is a perfectly intriguing, sweet and mysterious girl doing sitting here in front of this keyboard? I want to be any where but here. I would love to be standing somewhere with sand in between my toes… Maybe looking up at a pryrimid in Egypt… Nah, I don’t want much! LOL!
I want to live my life like the adventure I dreamed it would be 20 years ago. I have been at this job of sifting through profiles for quite some time now. But if I know anything I know that patience, determination and good taste pay off in the end. I want a well traveled man. An educated man, but not a stuffed shirt… An incredibly romantic man… One that can make me melt by just looking at me. One with a mischievious side too… Also a rich man is a must!!! So, let the haters hate, but I am not going to settle for anything less than the whole package… I love to laugh and I have a huge imagination! I am slightly gothic and very dramatic… I love to dress up and I love to hang out in the woods and get all dirty n’ smellin’ like a campfire. I am a kind of “glamorous bohemian” with dreams of becoming a writer… Anyways…Thats all~ for now…XXOO, Lana
What I’m Doing:
Going to college… Looking for my other half… Soaking up sunshine!!! Looking for a man to take care of me… I want to move to the beach in Pensacola to go to college there and be near family… I do not have any problem being a misstress as long as I am spoiled and kept happy… I have had a hard life and am ready to enjoy the finer things in life a rich man can provide… I want to please him of course but I have needs… I want to be VERY spoiled and happy… Call me superfcial if you want but I know what I want and if I am happy~ I guarantee you WILL BE…
I’m Really Good At:
I am an empath, I can sense what others are feeling. I am funny! Alot of times I am not really trying…
If you want to give her a number rating the scale is 1.0 to 10.0.
Related posts:
| Print article | This entry was posted by Couch Pirate Kevin on April 20, 2009 at 6:41 pm, and is filed under Features, Rate This Chick. Follow any responses to this post through RSS 2.0. You can leave a response or trackback from your own site. |
No trackbacks yet.
Rate This Chick: Amy
about 11 months ago - 7 comments
I know this is long but if you want to get to know me then it’s worth the read… At first sight most people think I’m high maintenance and unapproachable…but I’m the complete opposite. I’m 39 going on 21. I don’t mind getting dirty and sweaty but I get whiny when I get too hot.
Sword of Bad 4: More To Love? YES IT IS!!!
about 1 year ago - 1 comment
If they don’t wrestle in gravy before the end of the season I will be so so sad.
Rate This Chick: Bi-Betty
about 1 year ago - 18 comments
She’s married, is bi-sexual, and loves cigarettes! Line up boys! Time to Rate This Chick!
Rate This Chick: Chill
about 1 year ago - 24 comments
My Self Summary: I’m open to a lot of things. I’m VERY 420 friendly. I’m way too obsessed with music for my own good. I love tattoos and peircings and can quote pretty much any line from ‘Airplane!’ and ‘South Park.’ My favorite word is ‘fuck’ and I wish I was Bettie Page. I love
about 1 year ago
How many times can you list the word “spoiled” in one personals profile?!! Seriously, if this chick was half her age and looked like Jessica Alba she could expect a Sugar Daddy, but that boat has sailed sister!
Speaking for Myself, anyone who wants to be outside so bad is not going to be a good match. I’d like the world to be hermetically sealed in fake plastic bubble and pumped full of air conditioning. Yes, I want to live in Logan’s Run. Long walks on the beach fry my head.
Superficial and crazy make for good sex though. You know this chick is going to give you “The Menu”. Just point out what you want and it will be delivered… hot and ready!
It bugs me to no end that she mentioned she was “gothic” (since I have a thing for Goths)… this chick doesn’t look like any goth girl I know! I expect to hear bullshit from the other Couch Pirates on this… so bring it on!
I give her a 5.0
about 1 year ago
The “menu”, LOL.
I’ll a side of boobs, make it double. And a main dish of her butt, with doggiestyle as the position. For dessert I will eat her. LOL. Man you are right she is crazy and the “House Special” rolled in one.
about 1 year ago
That’s a man.
If that’s not bad enough, you get the “long walks on the beach” bit.
Pass.
/teepee jewelry isn’t working either
about 1 year ago
Wow, spoiled is right. Who exactly told this “glamorous bohemian” horror that she deserved to be spoiled. And who uses bohemian in a sentence to describe themselves. Great, your breasts are nice…not SPECTACULAR but NICE. The necklace screams hippie and I am pretty sure there is a butterfly on her head in the last pic. Hippie means THE MENU includes a full bar.
I would do naughty things to her as long as I could convince her I am rich. My friends would be welcome to do naughty things to her. Her eye make up makes me want to do terrible things to her face. When her hippie brain finally figured out that owning car does not make you rich, I would laugh at her for all her deviant acts in the name of wealth.
This chick would be a lot hotter if she were actually goth. Some latex, spikes and fishnets would do her some good. I would lover her hair if she tried a little bit. F YOUR NATURAL LOOK HIPPIE!
She gets a 6.5 out of 10, almost all for breast shape. I would ride her hard, for as long as I could, she would eat every drop, and I would tell all my friends about it all the time.
PS Lana: You are not an empath and you are not funny. People are humoring you because you have a vagina, which most people know they can get into, and somewhat prominent breasts that you have no problem displaying. Learn that now and the extra little effort you make, may make all the difference.
about 1 year ago
It’s nice to finally find someone else who understands how gothing up your game makes everything better!
about 1 year ago
Would you just do her doggy so you don’t have to look at that face?
about 1 year ago
Well, I thought doggy was implied. My bad, I will be more clear next time.
about 1 year ago
Dude, doggy is always implied.
about 1 year ago
Doggy or a blindfold for yourself is a must!
about 1 year ago
If we’re going to start talking about blindfolds… that’s a WHOLE different conversation for me!
about 1 year ago
She does look like a man, but I’m afraid that is all woman….. Pump, she’s comin’ fo you! She likes a long corn rubbing after those long walks. She looks a lot better with the camera back.
about 1 year ago
Fudge, forgot to score her – 5.5
about 1 year ago
My how the Couch Pirates have gone soft over the years. It’s been a couple of years since we did one of these and they all have become pansies. This chick cracks me up; who would want to date her? Who? She tells you she wants to be spoiled and that means is she is a bitch, so just deal with it.
She talks about the man she has been dreaming about 20 years ago, WHAT? That to me implies she is an older hippie chick (at the very least 40). She also mentions being in college. So what that means is she’s a has been that has decided she is tired of working at the “Witches Brew” selling black candles, eye of newt and wiccan ornaments. She is tired of working the medieval fairs as Brunhilde the Busty. She is tired of trying to make a life for herself, soooo please date her and take care of her for the rest of your life because she is a nutcase.
Sure she has a decent set of cans or as Couch Pirate Steve would say DMB’s (*see below), and those draw a lot of attention at the festivals and Wiccan love retreats I am sure. But a real dude with money can and will find a better snatch than this chick. She is likely to get more offers if she claims to be a tranny, since those are becoming more and more popular these days.
“I am an empath”. Really? Are you an empath? Do you sense that I really dislike you? Do you sense you are getting a bad rating?
• Would I date this chick? NO
• Would I do her? Sure, she is not real high on the list but I would do a lot of different and stupid people so she qualifies. Plus the DMB and tan lines alone are enough for me.
• Would I claim her? Probably. I would tell my close and casual friends but likely not the people at work.
Overall Rating: 2.5 out of 10. I shouldn’t have to explain why.
*Droopy Mom Boobs- the lowering of boobs after female has had an offspring or two. It doesn’t mean they are bad boobs, just Mom boobs, which is not the same boobs you got at the beginning of the relationship, if you were married to her before the kids were born.
about 1 year ago
All the Couch Pirates should probably have “Couch Pirate” in front of their names like you do. Nice to see you on board!
about 1 year ago
Let’s see how this posts…
about 1 year ago
Arrrrgh, we are official. 2.5, wow man, that’s pretty low for chick you would actually bang. She isn’t LC material or anything. My 6.5 is probably high, but she gets the benefit of being the first chick I rated.
about 1 year ago
This is where the controversy starts. I’d never bang someone I would rate a 2.5! Everyone has their own system.
about 1 year ago
See, she got a lot of points from me for just the comedy of banging her and laughing about it. I never considered actually dating her, since I would be deceiving her from the beginning. I guess if you are rating her on relationship material, she would be terrible. She has pretty nice tits for someone that has to be over 40. They don’t look that droopy at all. So I think as sex meat she is pretty average, and the comedy factor is high.
about 1 year ago
She’s 41 folks. I should have put that in there.
about 1 year ago
They breathe, I bang. From 2 – 10, some 1′s might get it too, but only because I would try and hurt them in the process.
This chick is not getting such a low score for looking like Sarah Jessica Parkers cute sister. She is getting it for being a spoiled hunk of trash.
about 1 year ago
You rough man, at least you admit you would have sex with her. She is not bad and would settle for less man. She is just shooting high and see what she can get. I wish she had butt pictures. I would give her a 5.0
about 1 year ago
I vote for butt pictures too! Unfortunately, there’s not a lot of those in personals ads…
about 1 year ago
I think she should live in Afghanistan and wear a Burka. I don’t want to see her hideous face and body.
Advice:
- wear a bra
- cut and color your hair
– have it thinned out and straightened while you’re at it
- stop wearing straw cowboy hats
- stop being “bohemian”
- look and act your age – you know you’re almost 50
- pull your head out of your ass and join the real world
Rating: 2.0
about 1 year ago
My lovely wife, ladies and gentlemen. She makes people cry you know.
And I was worried about “making” Elizabeth a ball buster.
about 1 year ago
I don’t make people cry – I just drive them to substance abuse.
about 1 year ago
You are talking big but I bet if she showed up with a sybian you’d change your tune…..:)
about 1 year ago
Why should she live in other country with Burka? Woman with nice boobs should never weat bra.
“look and act your age – you know you’re almost 50″
As a older guy here I can tell you 41 is no where near 50, and act like you feel. One day you will be 50 and go damn I wish i was 40 or 41 again. Unless you go to the doctor and become plastic woman.
about 1 year ago
I submitted this page to all of those social networking sites that are listed under “Pimp The Pirates”. Reddit.com picked up the ball and now they are chiming in on that site. Here’s the link:
http://www.reddit.com/r/reddit.com/comments/8e35x/rate_this_chick_lana/
about 1 year ago
She looks too much like Tim Curry. I bet she’s dumb enough to but Cherokee Hair tampons as well.
She’s certainly a “no,” but not a “kill-it-with-fire no.”
about 1 year ago
Where to start…Scott is 100% correct,this broad sold beaver pelts at Ye Olde Shoppe for about 10 years too long, now she wants to convince you that she is a sultry Start Trek alien with mind powers and a snapper worth a million bucks. What you really have is somebody that probably makes dreamcatchers as a hobby and followed “Fish” on tour.
She sort of reminds me of the muppet that played sax in Dr Teeths Band from the muppet show. Plus the butterfly on the forehead is a clear sign that she wants you to hijack her poopchute like a Somali Pirate!!
about 1 year ago
Janice is the muppet in the Dr. teeth band.
about 1 year ago
Oh, and I am rating her a 1