The Couch Pirates

Mixed martial arts is blowing up people. If you have not jumped into this sport, then this is the time to get in on the ground level; yeah, ground level. If Dana White and the other companies’ execs can avoid all the pitfalls that the old fogies and boxing zealots have set for them, the sky is the limit for MMA. We have just begun to see this sports potential. Think about it, everyone has taken some kind of martial defense course as a kid: karate, judo, taekwondo, judo, wrestling. Almost every breathing person has some sort of connection to the base of the sport, something other major sports cannot boast. It is certainly the most accessible of all the sports. Anyone can train, anyone can watch, anyone can learn the strategy and game planning. There are no trade secrets gripped closely to the vest. They don’t try to robotize their athletes like the NFL. Sure a referee can make a bad call but it doesn’t destroy an entire franchise or end a run at a championship, the fighter can just get another fight and the promoters are so deeply involved in the growth of the sport that if a fighter gets screwed, he will get another chance. Just ask the San Diego Chargers, Dallas Mavericks and Phoenix Suns if they would like that kind of fairness and interest from the people running their sports. Hell, ask the Oklahoma Sooners that later this year when they have to play Texas Tech in Lubbock after the inevitable Mike Leach tirade against Big 12 officials. I am sure it will make three trips in a row with blatant, terrible, irreversible, irreconcilable, championship-ending calls.
On Tuesday, Jim Rome and his producers committed their entire Final Burn segment on Rome Is Burning to MMA. A small portion was about the Jose Canseco freak show this past weekend, but a vast majority was devoted to UFC 98. I want to give Jim Rome props. Most of the ESPN elite do not want to give MMA its due because they are old and it is not their particular brand of blood sport. Look curmudgeons, football is blood sport…boxing is blood sport…NASCAR is blood sport. That is not even close to being a cogent argument against the sport. The ESPN producers and their sycophant, mouth piece on-air personalities have a grudge against MMA because it is replacing their precious boxing. I love boxing too gentlemen, but they killed themselves. Boxing opened the doors to MMA. Dana White walked through that door with a Bill Belichick-esque game plan. ESPN and the sports mafiosos need to put pettiness aside and be professionals for once. Learn about the sport, give it its proper coverage, and prove that sports journalism is not dead. I am sure that TO, and Roger Clemens, and Michael Vick, and Manny Ramirez, and their families could use some time without the vultures hovering over their homes.
UFC 98 turned out to be a really good card and the crowd at the Warren in Moore was a lively one. There were several decisions and when we get that many fights going the distance there are usually some stinkers. But to Joe Silva’s credit, the fights were action packed and exciting. There was zero “armadillo-ing” but of course there was no Anderson Silva to terrify poor little fighters. However, one man may be on his way to becoming as frightening as The Spider.





Phillipe “The Filipino Assassin” Nover vs Kyle Bradley 155-Lightweight
Unfortunately, the story of this fight was not the fighters. We are starting off with this, because Yves Lavigne was jeered the rest of the night. He has already gotten some flack for a mistake he made at UFC 96 with the Sell-Brown fight and he will continue to garner attention for the wrong reasons. The fight hardly went long enough to catalog any action with both men pushing the pace on their feet. Less than a minute in, Bradley threw Nover to the ground hard from the clinch, then proceeded to punch from a standing position. Nover turned to his stomach, trying to roll out and back to his feet and Bradley caught him square in the left temple with a hook. For a small moment in time, it appeared that Nover went limp as his body flattened to the ground. In that half a second of judgment, Lavigne stopped the fight. Nover recovered and rolled over, looking for his opponent but Lavigne was already between the fighters. You know, I think it was probably the right call to make considering his delay in the Sell-Brown stoppage. In the same situation, I would have done the same thing. It is a weird situation because for the safety of the fighters, he made the right call, but for the career of the fighters, it was a terrible call. Bradley was robbed of a clean victory, and Nover was denied the chance to fight back. I think a public reprimand of some sort for Lavigne and an immediate rematch would be the best way to handle the situation.



Nover: Stay Tuned Bradley: Stay Tuned







”Diamond” Dave Kaplan vs George Roop 155-Lightweight
This was the only fight that went to a decision that also went un-aired. Both men were cast members of TUF 8, and were both very active striking from the horn. They battled and jockeyed control of the fight, with Kaplan finally getting a takedown. The second round was decisive for Kaplan, and the third easily went to Roop who felt the desperation. It was an active fight and all around good brawl, but their was very little technique displayed. Kaplan just laid on Roop when they went to the ground, and Roop could have submitted Kaplan at any time on the ground if he knew a modicum of Jui Jitsu. Ultimately and surprisingly, the fight went to Roop in a split decision. Kaplan came into the fight with a huge gash on his nose and I think the judges misinterpreted his bleeding as excessive damage. I like both guys a lot, but unfortunately neither has impressed in their last two bouts.



Kaplan: Look Away Roop: Look Away






Yoshiyuki “Zenko” Yoshida vs Brandon Wolff 170-Welterweight
Most of this bout was spent feeling out and then Wolff went immediately to the clinch with double underhooks after landing a clean right hook. This went badly for Wolff. They traded in the clinch for a bit, Yoshida getting the best of it, while Wolff tried to take him down. After one attempted throw, Wolff left his neck out and Yoshida sunk the Guillotine Choke in. Yoshida took him to the ground, passed from half guard to full, Wolff reversed to top position, and Yoshida just wrenched harder, twisting Wolff’s neck. It appeared on replay, that Wolff actually tried to tap twice and Yoshida felt terrible he had to keep the vice on until the referee stopped the match.



Yoshida: Stay Tuned Wolff: Look Away






Krzysztof “The Polish Experiment” Soszynski vs Andre Gusmao 205-Light Heavyweight
Krzystof is back after just a few weeks of rest to attempt another Kimura victory. He came into this fight replacing the injured and rapidly aging Houston Alexander. Both men start the fight aggressive and ready to fight. Gusmao was on top of Krzystof and it looked like all the fights in so little time would catch up as Gusmao landed a series of combos. But then Krzystof unleashed his own flurry, connecting with a right hook to the chin. Gusmao dropped and The Polish Experiment quipped, “The boy hits hard, but I hit harder.” Superstar in the making, ladies and gentlemen.



Soszynski: Look Out Gusmao: Look Away






Pat “HD” Barry vs Tim “The Thrashing Machine” Hague 265-Heavyweight
This was one of our two crazy, free preliminary bouts after the main event. Honestly, Barry dominated poor Hague in the stand up. He had the big guy on the ropes, but got really sloppy and Hague recovered to the ground, where Barry proceeded to do nothing. Hague finally got the Guillotine Choke in for the win. Barry needs some ground game, and Hague needs to figure out how not to take a punch.



Barry: Look Away Hague: Stay Tuned








Brock Larson vs Mike “Quicksand” Pyle 170-Welterweight
This bout was a submission clinic and the second of our free post main event fights. I was super excited to see the Brock Larson fight and am quickly becoming a fan of his. Remember, his only two losses are to last WEC Welterweight Champion Carlos Condit, and Jon Fitch. The fight action goes to the ground fairly quickly giving Larson the takedown. Pyle proceeds to prove his moniker “Quicksand” as he just grinds Larson with submission after submission attempt. He goes from Guillotine to Triangle to Omoplata to Knee Lock to Toe Hold. Larson takes his back and tries to sink in a Darce Choke, while Pyle returns to his leg chaining strategy, looking for a submission that will stick. However, Larson catches him with an Arm Triangle for the win.



Larson: Look Out Pyle: Stay Tuned






Sean “Muscle Shark” Sherk vs Frank “The Answer” Edgar 155-Lightweight
Wow, this was a really good action packed match but I have no clue what Sherk game-planned. Edgar’s was obvious. He was going to be aggressive, counter punch when Sherk came in for a big shot, move constantly, and he had a couple of planned combos for certain situations. Once during the second round, Edgar attempted a takedown only to set up a clinch knee and then throw a kick at Sherk’s head. He came very close to connecting and maybe ending the fight; that’s good strategary. Sherk stayed aggressive and plodded towards Edgar, striking all the way, much like he did against BJ Penn. In the 3rd Round, he hit Edgar with a lightning quick double-leg takedown, but Edgar almost immediately escaped. Towards the end of the round, Edgar stuffed another takedown attempt and sunk in an exclamation Guillotine Choke. Really no clue why Sherk did not even attempt to take Edgar down more. I guess he was intimidated by Edgar’s equally impressive wrestling background, but I think Sherk would have had more success using this strength. The Muscle Shark has become too reliant on his conditioning and others are catching up, because Edgar was moving constantly; non-stop; continuously and did not look all that tired at the end. Edgar looked really good, and Sherk got his first loss not to a man named BJ Penn, GSP, or Matt Hughes.



Sherk: Stay Tuned Edgar: Look out






Dan Miller vs Chael Sonnen 185-Middleweight
I watched Sonnen a bit in the WEC, so I was a little familiar with him and he had fought in the UFC before. Sonnen just kept putting Miller into the mat and pounded away to an easy Unanimous Decision. On Sonnen’s first quick takedown, Miller got him in an arm-in Guillotine Choke and from then on, Miller’s arms were gassed. Miller was in a bad spot, with his head pressed up against the cage. He continued to position for a Knee Lock but took a lot of damage in the process. The first round was a very dominant performance for Chael Sonnen. The second round was even more dominant. Miller went for another arm-in Guillotine Choke, but his arms were just noodles. He got another chance to get an Armbar but Sonned postured up and put the submission out of reach. It was an easy round to Sonned, maybe a 10-8. The third round was much the same, except for no submissions attempts. I would definitely have scored the 3rd a 10-8. One weird thing, Sonnen’s corner kept warning him not to take Miller down. It seemed pretty good to me. I know they feared Miller’s Jui Jitsu but Sonnen’s sizable experience advantage was more than enough to avoid submission. Sonnen is the uncrowned WEC Middleweight Champion for god’s sake. At the end of the fight, Rogen summed it up perfectly, “Sonnen wins unless he has a stroke.” This might sound stupid and a bit premature, but if Sonnen gets a couple of more wins under his belt, I would like to see him face Anderson Silva for the Middleweight Title. He may get beat badly, but he at least seems like a guy that would go full speed.



Sonnen: Look Out Miller: Stay Tuned






Drew “The Massacre” McFedries vs Xavier “The Professor X” Foupa-Pokam 185-Middleweight
Why Joe Silva, why? I have a theory. Lets say XFP has a certain amount of contracted fights. He gassed so hard a month ago, that the UFC does not want him around anymore. James “The Sandman” Irvin woke up from Anderson Silva knocking him out and realizes he has a torn meniscus. He can’t fight. Hey, lets bring in internet sensation Xavier Foupa-Pokam and he will be one KO closer to being out of the company. At least, that is how it may have happened. I decided to give XFP the benefit of the doubt coming into this fight. Sometimes people gas; hell, I gassed today working out and I have no idea why. He said he was nervous coming into his fight against Kang last month. Well, maybe he still had butterflies when the horn sounded against The Massacre, but he acted like he was at Masada and just rolled over and died. McFedries jumps him and drops him twice and hammers XFP. Professor X climbs to his feet and gets tagged again. The referee calls the fight with XFP delirious and still trying to recover. However, the battered fighter needed the signature wheel chair of his namesake. Real professional fighters-2, Internet sensations-Suck.



McFedries: Stay Tuned Foupa-Pokam: Look Away






Matt Hughes vs Matt “The Terror” Serra 170-Welterweight
The grudge match of the century finally happened. Both men come to the ring focused and ready for blood. Serra’s whole posse is dressed in a nice Tokyo Five shirt. I ordered one on pre-sale the other night. From the beginning of the fight, you can tell each man wants to win so bad, that they fear the other man beating them. They pace for the first part of the round and finally move in to trade blows. Hughes get rocked and replay reveals it was a result of an inadvertent headbutt. Serra gets in several shots but Hughes has a tough chin. Hughes gets in a clinch and throws Serra right into side control in classic Hughes fashion. Hughes works to Serra’s back and tries to sink in a Rear Naked Choke but runs out of time. I think from the perspective of the judges, they would have to grade this round for Serra, but knowing the big shot was a headbutt, the round would go to Hughes. Hughes starts the second round by taking Serra down early and working him over good, inflicting damage. Serra never can get to full guard and kind of just sits there waiting for the referee to stand them up. This was a big mistake. The Jui Jitsu guy is on the bottom waiting to be stood up when he should be throwing submissions. Instead the round goes to Hughes, easily. Hughes comes out in the third round with good striking and eventually takes the fight back to the ground. Serra finally starts to work his Jui Jitsu transitioning from an Omoplata attempt to a Triangle to an Armbar, before ending up back in full guard. The referee stands the fighters back up and Serra even gets a takedown of his own. This is a close round, but it should go to Serra. He matched Hughes in every way, but had the submission attempts over him. The decision goes to Hughes, even though from the judges perspective Serra should have won two rounds. Regardless, the fight ended up going to the right man, since Serra did close to nothing in the second round. They each showed each other the proper respect at the end of the fight. You could tell Serra still does not like him, but he had just been beat up by the man, so respect to Serra. From what I have seen, I think both of these guys will make excellent coaches when they hang up the gloves.



Hughes: Look Out Serra: Look Out






Rashad “Suga” Evans vs Lyoto “The Dragon” Machida 205-Light Heavyweight Championship
The big fight of the night did not disappoint. I thought that Machida’s style might make for a slow, counter-striking match. And I was right for the first round. The match started out with measured planning and counter punching, but it seems Machida had figured Evans out by the end of the round when he had him rocked. The second round, Machida came out so fast that Rashad had no idea what hit him. He jumped on Evans, rocked him, and just pummeled him until he collapsed. Evans showed great recovery, snapping to in the middle of the torrent of punches, but at that point Machida was just too fast and full of killer instinct. Kevin said to me, “He is video game fast.” I said, “No, he is Quicksilver fast. He is fast in slow motion.” Really, Machida has style speed. Not only are people confused by his Karate stance, the stance puts the origin point of his strikes closer to their destination point. That is a deadly combination with this man’s ground ability. I wonder if there is one weakness to the stance though. Machida’s upper body is almost leaning back from his legs. This does keep his head out away from serious blows, but I would think it would make him susceptible to a really good wrestler. It looks like he will face Rampage next, so we will get to find out. A new candidate for baddest man on the planet? I would like to see him defend the jumping bean Light Heavyweight Title at least once first. He still has not lost a round in his career. “Viva Karate,” indeed.



Evans: Look Out Machida: Look Out



All in all, it was a great card and a great event. I think there were some serious title contenders that came out victorious. Evans will be fine, it was his first loss after all. There are a lot of interesting events coming up as we speed towards UFC 100. I will definitely cover Strikeforce: Lawler vs Shields on June 6 and WEC: Brown vs Faber 2 on June 7. I will get my review of the last two TUF 9 episodes up shortly and anything else interesting that happens over the next week.

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Ok, you may call this all sour grapes, but I have always preferred apples as my sour fruit of choice. I am working on my UFC 98 article, plugging away and it comes time for my daily trip to the gym with my son. I make my supplement shake and get ready to go, same routine as always. I check the mail as we leave the house and I think it is here that I realize I am already exasperated. I don’t know when it started: maybe last night when I had to buy a new lawnmower, maybe it is the chinese food that we had last night making me feel crappy, maybe it is things happening out of no where without my knowledge, maybe it is something else. I don’t know but these next three hours were going to suck. I am looking at an envelope, for I don’t know what, to my wife from her sister and brother-in-law. I still haven’t read the address but do you know how I know it was from them? Not only does it have an OSU address label, which is fine, that is their alma mater, it has OSU written all over the envelope, front and back. I don’t get it. Can someone fill me in? Is that funny? I am sure there was something else written inside. On some other card, Christmas or my son’s birthday card, they had written “From: Coach Mike Gundy”. Is that funny to anyone? At all? I don’t get it. Am I too close to the forest to see the trees here. Please someone help. Anyway, that is really no big deal. They are incredible dorks and that is okay. I read comics, play DnD among other RPGs, write wrestling fan fiction for a friend, have at least a dozen comic shirts or typical nerd shirts, play video games, see all the nerd movies even if I know they will be terrible, entertained playing Magic professionally, work at a comic store, went to Wrestlemania, love learning about math and science and everything else for fun, and frequently work on authoring an epic fantasy-horror series. But believe me, these people are dorks. It is fine with me that anyone gets a degree at OSU if they like. It is fine with me to give your money to a leech school, with mostly barely made up degrees, that blows their very diminutive endowment on the mutual fund ran by the oil tycoon that owns your university, that has a mascot that supports a lifestyle of ignorance, abuse, racism, and sexism. That’s all fine with me, if that is what you want to do. So I am looking at this envelope that represents a colossal waste of time and effort, not even entertaining the thought that I would be ranting about it later. I have learned to ignore this crap, but it seemed relevant and funny. We get down to the gym and everything is going fine. Kid is having a good time in the play room, his mohawk has really given him a sense of authority. A bigger kid was messing with him and he didn’t give a shit, he just told him to go away. The first part of my heavy weights work out usually takes about 30 min. It is a series of 10 supersets of Incline Press at 205 pounds then immediately followed by T-Bar Rows at 100 pounds, 10 reps each, 1 minute rest in between supersets. By the fifth set, I am freaking gassed and I have no idea why. I have been doing this particular regimen for 4 weeks and have never struggled like this. I don’t know, this is why I at least blame it partially on the chinese food. So I finally get done with that and go on to my Interval Cardio training I do between my heavy weight supersets. I really want to stop but I keep pushing on. But I think what really kept me going was my hate.


Hey, Old-Guy-With-Chicken-Legs, I hate you. I hate your stupid pointed face and I hate your constant ignorant scowl. I hate that you do every single exercise incorrectly and take at least 3 minutes between sets. I know this because I get incredibly bored during my cardio, and my interval sets are a minute and a half. You suck. But do you know what sucks more, old man? You make me hate other people. Do all these people know each other? Why do you have to have your old man pow-wow in the middle of the gym when you should be A) working on your old man skin, or B) DYING? I can tell you are one of those guys that has always been skinny and don’t know how to put on muscle and don’t need to worry about losing fat. Just please quit walking around, being a scrawny pussy and getting in my way.


Hey, Kevin Bookout (literally), you are awesome and have been a great patron of the gym. You rack your weights, you are polite, and you are more than anyone could expect out of a high profile athlete for Oklahoma. Keep it up big guy.


Hey, Old-Hippie-That-Sits-In-One-Corner-Of-The-Gym, you suck. I haven’t had a lot of interaction with you, because you are probably normally too baked to come regularly. But you irritate me because you do the same thing all the old people do and take forever, and look disgusted and offended whenever anyone wanders into YOUR corner of the gym.


Hey, Guy-That-Spends-Hours-On-The-Bikes-But-Worked-In-With-Me-Today, you might be okay. Dude, you spend way too much time on the bike working your ass off for diminishing returns but I respect you for upping your weight today when you realized how paltry it was compared to mine. You didn’t bitch and complain when we alternated and had to change weight. You acted like men are supposed to in the gym, so I give you big props for that. But you are in some ways related to this next group of morons.


People-Who-Mindlessly-Plod-Away-At-Cardio, you suck. Pick up a damn fitness magazine, or fitness book, or use the f-ing internet if you know it exists. Interval Training is how you lose pounds and fat, not plodding away at the same speed, at the same resistance, with the same motion for hours on end. If you are endurance training for a marathon, fine. But ALL you people are not training for a marathon. Haven’t you noticed that every cut person in there does very similar cardio? Quit wasting your time, you need about 30 minutes of intervals at the very max.


Hey, Girl-Who-Is-About-To-Make-Me-A-Hypocrite, I love you. You are not fat because you look like a woman. I love the black pants, but you don’t have to wear all black. I do, I am fat. I know you want to look like all the super skinny chicks, and yes I do want to bag them too. But I would rather bang you first. I know I am a meathead fatty and you don’t care, but any guy that only wants to bang skinny chicks either A) doesn’t know what to do with his penis anyway or B) enjoys that those girls are very boy-like so they can stay in the closet. I don’t care that you did the same thing for an hour and texted pretty much the whole time, I want to lick you.


Hey, People-Usually-Old-That-Do-Half-Reps-At-Very-Little-Weight, you suck. Talk about wasting your f-ing time. If you aren’t straining to LIFT WEIGHTS, get the f out of the weight room. Don’t worry about getting bulky (most common excuse), you are not going to; you either do not have the hormones (women), or you are a pussy. Either way, you will never be able to lift enough to get bulky without help. Suck it up, if your shirt is not covered in sweat, you have not done enough. I hate you so much.


Hey, Hitler’s Grandson, why in the hell do you suck so much? You should really cut your hair and mustache to not even remotely look like your grandfather. I heard you speaking Spanish, which means you are probably a result of Hitler’s love child in Argentina after World War II. Guess what? You are one of the Cardio Robots too, and you are always in the f-ing sauna and you like to walk around the locker room naked. WTF is wrong with old people that they want to walk around the locker room naked? Guess what? The sauna doesn’t work man. It only helps if you are cutting weight, because all it does is make you sweat out water.


Hey Seacows, you really f-ing suck. You think that you can go in the pool and do movements that slightly resemble exercise and jogging and lose weight. Has it occurred to any of you women that you have been doing this crap for two f-ing years, albeit irregularly, but you have seen zero results? YOU ARE STILL F-ING SEACOWS. It is okay if you are handicapped and really can’t do much else, but I see handicapped people busting their ass in the gym all the time. So you really have no excuse either. Suck it up, eat less (I saw one of you complaining you didn’t get your large order of potato cakes to go with you other 10 bucks of food at Arby’s…yeah, I am f-ing everywhere, I see everything), and get on a real workout plan. For the Love of sweet Jesus, more than one of you uses a damn fun noodle to help you move in the water. You are adults for God’s sake, try to behave with a little self-respect.


Hey, Wonderful-Woman-That-Came-To-The-Pool-Later, you are awesome. Your ass is amazing and I would rather see you in a bikini bottom to match the top, rather than those shorts. You look great and you should show it off.


Hey, Old-Guy-That-Thinks-He-Owns-The-Gym, you suck. No one cares what you have done in the past. Quit spending all your free time at the gym talking and annoying the employees. Find a nice bingo hall to die in or actually f-ing use the gym.


Hey, Skeletor, I thought you were dead. You look a lot older than you really are because you try to look thirteen. By the way, thanks for dropping your water bottle behind my car and taking forever to pick it up when I was trying to leave. If only I were really evil or thought I could get away with it. You are way too f-ing skinny. I am sure you get a lot of looks from about 100 feet away, but as we get closer we want to vomit. You look like an old, skeletal, brunette Jean Benet Ramsey. Tell Beast Man, your husband, that anytime he wants to roid rage around me, to go ahead and put the weight into the side of my head. But he better put me down, because if he doesn’t I am going to choke his old ass out until he turns purple. You put all that work into looking young and being that skinny, but your legs are still covered in cellulite. Who wins there?



/rantoff



How about them apples?

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Some of the piss and vinegar I had planned on unloading here has left my system after the most pleasant trip to the grocery store in recent memory. I did NOT get behind an idiot attempting to refinance their Escalade via food stamps for the first time in a LONG time. That was a very pleasant experience.

In other news, how many people caught the NYPD’s dismantling of a terror plot by home grown terrorists (note: not suspects in my book)? This was while Homeland Security director, Janet “Shit-Between-the-Ears” Napolitano, was busy trying to wiretap and vilify returning U.S. servicemen and women. They’re the real problems in America, not MS-13 or racist Hispanic street gangs in L.A. trying to assassinate black people. Not that you’d hear that on MSNBC… We’re talking about assfucks who were actively plotting to blow up synagogues in New York, as perhaps bigger assfucks are trying to figure out ways to use global warming as a pawn to slowly take away your freedoms, one by one.

Let me clarify, New York synagogues (and who knows what/who else) were saved by law enforcement officials at the state and local level while the feds are busy trying to convince you that the Army staff sergeant down the street is somehow plotting to murder your family. It’s like we’ve fallen down the fucking rabbit hole here, and Alice has decided to let the Mad Hatter do as he pleases.

Moving on, when the stock market collapsed during Reagan’s tenure, he did nothing. But, that was exactly what needed to be done.

Nothing.

Reagan let the market fix itself, like our government SHOULD have done. Only 6% of all the recent bailout funds that came out of the David Copperfield-like appropriation acts have been knowingly spent. Out of that 6%, you can bet close to 100% has zero accountability or oversight as Timmy Geithner played the hum-haw act as to who got what out the deal. The TARP money banks had accepted (forced upon?), has been refused when offered to be given back to the feds. Presumably, this is so the gov’t can take their institutions over. You got a better reason?

Lastly, on a personal note… About 3-4 students (not sure of the count) joined our school this week. Our immediate school boundaries include at least one homeless shelter, and they just rolled in to town. The children do not necessarily resemble each other, likely meaning its a garden variety of fathers present in creation of said children. I could be wrong, but common sense tells me different. Upon learning of a few more details, it turns out there are five children in the family presently. Additionally, there in as infant.

Again… A FUCKING I-N-F-A-N-T!!!

I just about shot through the first and second floor right on into the great beyond when I heard this. The first thing that came to mind after trying to figure out if I could get away with cauterizing a set of ovaries with a fireplace poker, was the thought process that goes through one’s mind after they have a child they cannot afford. Then, what goes through the mind after the clown car-like vagina goes on autopilot and shoots kids out like fucking hay baler?

All I can really say at this point is, enjoy the albino bodybuilder.

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So far Season 9 of The Ultimate Fighter has been mostly fighting and very little drama. The US Team has pulled some goofy pranks, and there has been some drama among them; including a hermit forced to mingle with society, Cameron Dollar who claims to have slept with 70+ women but has probably only taken pictures of them from a balcony, and apparent gossip and backstabbing. Unfortunately for the US guys, the Red Coats have been focused, supportive, and busting ass.

TUF 9.3-Penultimate & Ultimate Liminary Preliminaries



In my review of 9.2, I said that due to the footage of Rob Browning in the house, that we could assume he wins his preliminary. It seems as if I was wrong. It seems like the producers are some tricky bastards. It seems that Kiel Reid, Frank Lester, Jason “The Hermit” Dent, and Rob Browning all got to stay in the house even though they had not fought their preliminaries yet. This was good and bad. Good because it let everyone see how things would be if everyone acted like a Browning and has probably cut down on the drama. Bad because there was a Browning in the house. I did not want to make assumptions about this family, but how many trashed out carcasses of mobile homes has this band of banjo hill-billies left strewn about Kentucky? Are there egg-covered, broken glass-filled trailers piled up in some Kentucky land fill, because of these Rhodes Scholars? Though the US Team is constantly cracking, I do believe the Browning night cauterized them a bit and when Damarques wants to lead the team he shows a real knack for it.



Kiel Reid vs Frank Lester-170
Early on, it is apparent that Frank is the stronger of the two fighters. Reid just cannot do anything with Lester’s mass and uses punch-takedown combinations to get him to the ground. This could have been a much better fight, but Reid drops to the mat and knocks himself out as Lester twists a Kimura into place, popping his arm. Frank “The Tank” Lester is going to the house.



Jason Dent vs Rob Browning-155
Coming into the fight Rob talks about how he normally fights at 135 and from the looks of Dent’s physique, he could tighten up and lose enough to get down to 135. Jason Dent shows himself to be much superior on the ground but would have been susceptible to counter jabs from Browing. Dent punched and kneed his way to a quick TKO victory, but he did miss an opportunity to sink his heels and finish with a Rear Naked Choke. Jason “The Hermit” Dent is going to the house. Rob is going back to Kentucky to trash out a trailer and talk about how the UFC screwed him out of his chance.



All the fighters are set and Team USA won the toss for first pick of the fights. The fights are about to kick off and Bisping gets what I feel is an unfair advantage.



TUF 9.4-Tapes, Shirts, and Shoes



I like watching the footage of the UK fighters because not only do we get to know a new batch of unknown fighters but we are also introduced to some unknown coaches. These guys’ training sessions are awesome. They go at it hard and you can tell they want to win. Dan Henderson won the coin toss and got the first fight pick, but I think he may have made a mistake here. Dan was asking about weight-readiness for the first fight and two guys spoke up: Richie “Red Flurry” Whitson and Mark “Meat Missile” Miller. Just looking at their eyes and body language, Richie was ready to fight; Mark was being tough for his coach. This is what athletes are trained to do; coach asks if you are ready, you say you are ready, because you want him to think you are always ready. Henderson decides Mark Miller will fight Nick Osipczak, the Bed Knobs and Broomsticks kid. Osipczak started out training Kung Fu, and from his interviews and analysis seems like a very smart fighter. Michael Bisping had some problems with his visa so he gets to watch tapes of the US Team preliminaries. To me this is a huge advantage. He knows the outcome of the fights and he gets to sit with his assistant coaches and focus on the techniques, combos and styles. It would have been two weeks since Henderson had seen the UK fighters in their preliminaries. Just maybe tapes should have been made available to Henderson as well. Of course, we are only shown what they put on the broadcast, so maybe that was remedied.



Mark Miller vs Nick Osipczak-170
The first round was pretty close but it would go to Osipczak. He had more takedowns and general control of the fight. At one point, it seems Miller was about to tap but thought better of it and escaped the Rear Naked Choke. Mainly, Miller spent the round trying to get his punches in and defending against Nick’s groundwork game plan. In the second round, Osipczak took Miller down, mounted and started to advance his position. Miller was able to escape and then worked in a weak guillotine against the inevitable takedown attempt. Nick freed himself easily, backed up, and circled. The fight was over in a flash, as Nick connected with a vicious head kick that kept Miller reeling for long after the fight. As “BKNB” Osipczak says, “Look low, kick high.”



TUF 9.5-Two Fights, One Night



The fifth episode commits to two fights in one hour. Michael Bisping puts Andre “Ali G” Winner against Santino “Aneurysm” DeFranco in the first lightweight bout. Dan Henderson makes the first great coaching move in his fight pick, pitting Dean “Brit T” Amasinger against Damarques “Spell Check” Johnson. Damarques loves the Triangle Choke, Dean has lost several fights to the Triangle Choke, and Bisping sees this immediately.



Andre Winner vs Santino DeFranco-155
Both fighters were aggressive form the beginning and DeFranco was impressive matching strikes with Winner. SDF gets anxious, goes for a takedown, and you can see when he hits Winner’s legs, he backs up a bit because of Andre’s strength. This moment of retreat gives Winner the opportunity to roll SDF over and mount. Santino stays aggressive though and starts to work in a Omoplata, but he badly over commits. Winner pulls his arm out and just hammers SDF’s face in for the victory.



Dean Amasinger vs Damarques Johnson-170
Dean’s goal in this fight was to stay away from the Triangle Choke. He may have been amped up because his coach, Michael Bisping, decided not to show up and he just goes in and takes Damarques to the ground almost immediately. Demarques goes for the Kimura, Dean defends, Demarques applies the Triangle, Dean lifts him up for a slam, and the Triangle sinks in further. Dean taps and just that quickly Team US has their first win.



TUF 9.6-Frank is Crazy



I learned two things from this hour of television.

• One: Jack Bauer, Chuck Norris, and Vin Diesel all fear Martin Stapleton.
• Two: “Frank Lester is crazy”-Santino “Aneurysm” DeFranco.

Team UK is going on and on and on about Stapes. And as well they should. This guy is f-ing intense, he is is strong, and he is a freaking Royal Marine. According to all involved, he is the perfect British fighter, forged from the smelting of Excalibur and sent to reclaim all the Colonies. And he is fighting Cameron “Cry Baby” Dollar, or Cameron “Wife Boner” Dollar, or Cameron “The Wrestler” Dollar. I don’t know what to call him. I think “Cry Baby” is too mean, he is lying about all the women he is boning so “Wife Humper” doesn’t work, but “The Wrestler” might stick. All he wants to train is wrestling and even the coaches laugh about his terrible striking. Cameron “The Kid” Dollar, I think that fits all his traits. The other fight on this edition was Frank Lester and James Wilks. Evidently, Wilks has been living in Cali for some time and there is question on Team USA whether he should still be a Brit. Team UK doesn’t seem to mind, so I guess it isn’t such a big deal. But USA seems to just hate him for some reason not shown on the broadcast. Demarques “Spell Check” Johnson offers Frank Lester one hundred dollars for one of Wilk’s teeth. Hmm.



Oh yeah, Bisping said he missed Dean “Brit T” Amasinger’s fight because he was asleep. He has been jet lagged and didn’t wake up, yadda, yadda, yadda. Well, I hope he makes it up to Brit T somehow. Get him in his camp and make for sure he gets training and a chance.



Martin Stapleton vs Cameron Dollar-155
Martin “T-800” Stapleton walks into the octagon, touches gloves, and rips Cameron “The Kid” Dollar’s spine out. Wait, that’s not how it happened.


Waving lines, reality wiggles, dodododododododododododododdododododododododododododo…


Cameron comes out and holds ground with Stapes better then anyone thought possible, even catching him with a solid right hook. Stapes is rocked a bit and goes for a double leg takedown but is stopped cold and hip tossed to the mat. Cameron goes super aggressive on the ground and pound, takes Stapes back, gets his heels dug in, and sinks in the RNC. Game, set, match.



Frank Lester vs James Wilks-170
The second fight was crazy of course, because Frank “The Tank” was involved. The first round was wild and full of striking action. Frank had Wilks rocked at one point but the round would go to Wilks for continues submission attempts, takedowns and his dangerous knees in the clinch. So dangerous, we find out between rounds, that one of those knees knocked out four of Frank’s teeth. Four teeth, right in the mouth piece. Frank, you can thank Damarques for that little karmic bubble he caused you. Damarques, you still owe Frank $100 for what you caused him. After a delay to get Frank’s teeth dislodged from his mouth piece, the second round got underway. Both men looked really tired but Wilks still dominated the round. It looked like Frank tapped before the Armbar was locked all the way in.



TUF 9.7-Tennis…Really?



This episode sets Faulkner up as this beast of MMA. He has strength, wrestling, those vicious heel hooks, so what is holding him back? Maybe dumb luck. Every time they show the UK workouts they are busting ass. This time they are doing the ol’ sledge hammer, tractor tire drill. Not only do they jack up the mats, but Faulkner hits himself in the leg with the hammer. He has some kind of internal infection but hopefully we can see what he does in the octagon. They have the goofy Coach’s Challenge and they have to play tennis this time. I will barely mention it except they have the obligatory coach getting mad at opposing team member moment. And it is all deliciously ignorant, meh.



Ross Pearson vs Richie Whitson-155
Man, I like both of these guys a lot. They are both guys I had my eye on from preliminaries. The British Bulldog vs The Red Flurry, sounds vicious. This fight was an aggressive melee of flying fists and knees. Ross was ahead most of the first round due to takedowns and octagon control, but he was deducted a point for kneeing Whitson while his knee was down. Ultimately, Ross gets a Rear Naked Choke and then transitions it to an Armbar for the submission victory.



Next episode we finally get to see if Faulkner is the Beast that everyone makes him out to be. I am interested to see if Cameron can make it to the end of the show. He has already cracked a few times and I don not know if he is going to make it to the finale. He is kind of a pussy on first impressions, but his preliminary bout and elimination bout were both finished in super aggressive bursts of action. Maybe his nickname should be “Quick Surprise”. Guess we will have to ask all those “women” he has “humped”.

Popularity: 56% [?]

Rejoice Star Trek fans. Rejoice! Finally we have a Star Trek movie with some balls, a movie worthy of being called a movie. A movie finally worth the price of admission; a Star Trek movie you will want to see again.

We are the coolest virgins! No we are!

For years Star Trek fans have wanted to argue with Star Wars fans about which franchise was the best. For years “Trekkies” have had nothing but the leg of “The Wrath of Khan” to stand on, rejoice Star Trek fans with this movie, J.J. Abrams brings you hope.

To me, this was the best Star Trek movie we have had. No disrespect to the original cast members or the people that tried to make those movies great, but this movie gave us what none of those others could. Finally we have a Star Trek movie that felt like a real movie, not a made for television movie that they decided to release in the theaters, just a real damn good film.

For the record I hate time traveling movies, hate them, but I accepted a long time ago that Star Trek will always be full of crappy time travel stories. The time travel in this movie was well done and about the best possible solution for a franchise reboot that I have seen. This film is by far the best reboot/relaunch/redo movie I have seen yet. This kept the old legacy alive and the future fresh for the franchise. Star Trek fans should line up and suck the balls of J.J. Abrams thanking him for what he and the crew did for this franchise. It was nothing short of astounding. I hope the people in Hollywood make sure and sign him to the next 3 to 4 Star Trek movies, because I want more of where this came from. Until tonight I wasn’t a fan of Abrams, or I should say I never seemed to watch his works, maybe I should rethink my decision. I do not want to give the plot away on this movie so I won’t, but this is a movie you should see for yourself.

Trek You! Lucas, Trek You!

Star Trek fans be proud. Stand up. Look tough and go find that Star Wars fan that always heckled you. Look him dead in the eyes and ask him how the last 3 prequels compare to your reboot/prequel. Watch them stall and talk about the original trilogy. When this happens shout Ewoks! Watch them sweat as they try to say “The Phantom Menace” was decent. Shout Jar Jar Binks! Watch them put their heads down towards the ground as they try and convince themselves the dialog in those movies was passable. And when they are done be gentle and left their head, smile and give them “the finger” because this round belongs to you. Trek You!

Popularity: 35% [?]

I wanted to get some ink up on this before the heat dies off. I am a relatively big fan of the X-Men, and a pretty huge Wolverine fan. So I am coming from a place of knowledge on the source material. Going into this film I was absolutely terrified that it would be unwatchable. From the trailers, it looked like they turned what happened to be a single character driven story into a team movie somehow. Think Batman and Robin to realize my fears here. I didn’t understand why they had to bring all these mutants in, Wolverine is the guy they put on covers to move paper. Sabertooth is an obvious inclusion, though they never call him such, and Deadpool was cast with a big name because of plans to launch his own movie. So those I could see but the cavalcade of other mutants seemed like a huge mistake. I was right but for the wrong reasons. Here is the roster:

1. Wolverine: A little obvious, as he is the main character. Hugh Jackman does a great job as usual and I think he is in almost every scene in the movie. They actually tell most of his origin, even the little bits they have dribbled out in scattered sources over the years. For some reason, the Wolverine CGI regressed with this movie. There are some scenes where his claws look absolutely god awful. One scene they looked drawn in and like the tracking is a couple of frames behind.
2. Sabertooth: He is only known as Victor Creed in the movie and they go ahead and out him as Wolverine’s brother from the beginning. There are so many confusing comic time lines in them being brothers. The prevailing story now is that they are NOT brothers. I like Schreiber a lot in this role. His claws still look too much like fingernails and not enough like actual claws.
3. Deadpool: Wade Wilson is really the third biggest character in the film. What they lost in translating his powers, they gained with Ryan Reynolds. He is mainly being himself in some scenes but for the most part he nails what Deadpool fans like about the character. There were some strained laughs, but I am pretty sure this was still a Hollywood film produced by FOX. All in all, this movie was really one really long trailer for a Deadpool movie.
4. Kayla Silverfox: Logan’s love interest, who turns out to be a pivotal plot device more than once. Her inclusion is not terrible but also ridiculously retconned from her comic role. They completely change her skill set. I guess they don’t like there being a thousand regenerators, but if you were making a movie about the Weapons Plus program that is something you are going to run into. And they give her pretty stupid family tie to another character in the movie.
5. Gambit: I pretty much hate Gambit. I liked him as a kid but as I got older I realized his character is an idiot. However, this movie probably does its best job translating Remy. It was great that he did not have a tedious Rogue storyline to bog him down, and Taylor “Riggins” Kitsch did a good job bringing the characters flair to life if not constantly keeping up his ridiculous accent. They changed his power set a bit, giving him some telekinetic control over his charged playing cards. I really don’t have a problem with this and could see it working with his comic continuity at any time.
6. John Wraith: Most people are under the impression, as was I, that this character was made up for the film. However, he was a small character introduced in the early 90’s and used on Team X and Weapon X, known as Kestrel. He is also used in the Ultimate Marvel universe but in a much different capacity. He is a teleporter and would be a good addition to the film, if wil.i.am was not the worst actor I have ever seen. He is truly terrible and ruins anything good that could have come out of this character. Keep him out of movies forever and let him make his cheap, synth rap music.
7. The Blob: There is a lot of good and bad with this character. I did not hate every scene he was in, but he just wasn’t the Blob. I mean, he is called Fred Dukes, but he is not the giant, flabby, proud mutant we all know and love. He starts off as a cut fighting machine, and then develops an eating disorder through time before he gets fat. I mean come on mf-ers, the Blob is huge and fat because that is part of his mutant ability, to the extent when he lost after House of M, he was not fat anymore. If you can’t use a character right, don’t use them.
8. Chris Bradley: If you don’t look this one up, you probably won’t recognize him. He is played by hobbity Dominic Monaghan. He is a mid-nineties character named Bolt, but he doesn’t go by that in the film. This role was rumored to be Beak, but they changed to another useless character for some reason. He uses his electricity control in the movie but never actually generates any bolts or anything.
9. Agent Zero: David North and Maverick also in comics. So his Agent Zero moniker is completely out of time line and his abilities are completely out of whack. He is super fast and agile in the movie; he absorbs kinetic energy in the source material, sigh. He was a good character for his role, they just should have stuck to power sets more.
10. Scott Summers: Cyclops plays a small and important role in the film. He is back where he was from X3, and hardly sees any screen time. Thankfully, his skill set is unchanged.
11. Emma: They actually do not refer to her as Emma Frost in the movie, but they do in the trailers. I wish they would have left her out completely. I love Emma Frost. She is my favorite female mutant. Probably, my favorite female comic character. They butchered everything about this character. No wonder she is pissed off and joins the Hellfire Club. There was no real story reason to include Emma FROST. They didn’t need a girl with diamond skin; that they pulled off terribly by the way. She is the most powerful telepath in the world, but she does not even have those abilities in this movie. Nothing against the girl they cast as her, but my very first impression from the trailers held up: she is not near hot enough to play Emma Frost. They really should have left this character alone, she just does not fit the square whole they tried to fit this diamond through.
12. Various Meaningless Cameos: Quicksilver, Storm, the Hudsons, Jason Stryker, Daniel Negreanu.

So none of these mutants actually constitute a team, expect for what is reminiscent of Team X in the beginning of the movie. It is mostly a Wolverine/Sabertooth/Stryker movie. Which makes most of these mutant’s inclusion very unnecessary. The special effects are almost universally atrocious. WOLVERINE’S CLAWS DON’T LOOK GOOD. Jesus, this is something they did right in the very first X-Men film. I think they pumped all the CGI budget into Deadpool, which made it only feel more like a precursor to his own movie. The story is fine and pretty much common fair for a comic book government-plan-against-mutants scenario. The acting is good besides the couple of terrible examples mentioned above. They had some very serious effects and story editing issues. But all in all it was full of action. I enjoyed watching the movie for those parts, but I felt dirty liking any of it because of all the other flaws. There are two after credits scenes, one with Wolverine in a bar in Japan and one with Deadpool. We got the Deadpool one, but the a-holes at the theatre started bringing the curtain down during it. Deadpool breaks the fourth wall in the scene, which I almost universally hate. FOX is already looking into a sequel set in Japan, let’s hope they can put a little more into Wolverine, special effects, and the actual source material (ie Iron Man, The Dark Knight).

Popularity: 47% [?]

Already back at you with some more science, but way too late with this analysis actually. I promise to be more prompt in the future. A couple of Saturdays ago, Kevin, the Brother’s Lytle and I headed down to the local Warren Theater to catch UFC 97. Wow. The card was the price of a normal movie ticket and it was awesome on the Grand Auditorium screen. The fighters looked awesome; the ring girls looked even better. If you have this option locally and don’t get enough people to your house to make it economically feasible, then I suggest doing this. I thought the fights looked great on my giant HDTV, but they look even better this way. This will be how I see all my UFC PPV events for now on. Also, if there are any single guys out there, be for sure to look your best going to these things. There were many groups of ladies only there to watch the fight. Bring your game with you and pick up some fight tang.






Anderson Silva [c] vs Thales Leites 185-Middleweight Championship



There is not a lot to say about this fight that has not already been espoused. You could tell Anderson was disappointed with Leites performance and wanted a better chance to finish the fight. In the 2nd Round Thales Leites gave Silva all he had to give and won that round with a nice takedown and then ground-and-pound. Anderson scrambled back to guard and was able to escape late in the round. After that show though, I believe Leties realized he could not beat Silva and just went into armadillo mode. When Anderson would go for a clinch, Thales would drop to the ground. Anytime Silva would come in, down Thales would go, and ball up in defense. So the 4th and 5th Rounds were all Anderson working on Leites left leg and knee. He clubbed it any way he could: punches, some sort of flip-sweep kick, and other strikes that don’t actually have names. In the fifth, Leites did not even have enough gas to make it through the fight not-fighting. At one point after a Leites Armadillo Roll, Kevin turned to me and said, “Thales just got up like me.” Not good for a championship contender to go into a match and half way through be content with getting pointed out.
Silva: Look Out Leites: Look Away



Since this fight, it has been announced that Anderson Silva will be facing Forrest Griffin at 205 next. I love this match. You can tell Anderson is looking for guys that aren’t scared to try to knock him out, and we all know he will find that in Forrest. Anderson even mentioned trying to fight Fedor at 225. As good as Silva is and as big a 185 as he is, Fedor will come in around 233. This super fight would be contingent on Fedor finally signing with UFC as well. And before GSP beat BJ Penn, Dana White told BJ that he could not fight Silva because of the weight difference. Those are a lot of barriers to the Silva vs Fedor super fight.






Chuck Liddell vs Mauricio “Shogun” Rua 205-Light Heavyweight



This was an intense, action packed fight. Chuck came out looking slim and focused. I was so happy to see him slimmed down a bit, so I get to be Fat Chuck Liddell again. The bout was full of crisp striking, exciting scrambling, and Chuck was ahead on the card. But then on the way to the legend’s comeback, something happened. Shogun caught him with a powerful left and down the Iceman went. Liddell was bleeding before he hit the ground. Dana White confirmed Liddell’s retirement on May 2. For Rua, one more big win and he is right back in title contention.
Liddell: Look Away Rua: Look Out






Krzysztof Soszynski vs Brian Stann 205-Light Heavyweight



First off Krzysztof, thanks for having a name that is so difficult to spell; a badass name, but still a nightmare for writing. I was really excited that this fight was part of the televised package. I had watched most of Stann’s fights in the WEC and Soszynski, though immature at points on TUF 8, he was one of my favorite fighters. Stann is a REAL Marine, that has seen actual combat, so you will never see him afraid in the octagon, but Krzysztof was able to control the fight on their feet helped by good clinch work. For the most part, Stann was able to avoid takedowns, his defense looked impressive, but once to the ground, Krzysztof was able to finish the fight with his specialty, kimura. The Polish Experiment actually has almost thirty professional fights, so he had an overwhelming experience advantage. Train that kimura defense, light heavyweights.
Soszynski: Look Out Stann: Stay Tuned






Cheick Kongo vs Antoni Hardonk 265-Heavyweight



This was another good match on paper going into the night, pitting two big, aggressive strikers against each other. And it delivered on the thundering action. Hardonk was most aggressive and brought a lot of good strikes in on Kongo. The 1st round was really close and towards the end, Cheick got a “Silva-Leg-Catch” for the takedown that probably won the round for Kongo. The 2nd Round started out like a prison film. Kongo threw Hardonk to the mat and pounded on him for two minutes until he rolled up from the beating. Depending on the next few heavyweight bouts, Kongo should be in line for a title shot after the Lesnar-Mir unification.
Kongo: Look Out Hardonk: Stay Tuned






Steve Cantwell vs Luiz Cane 205-Light Heavyweight



Cantwell was the last WEC Light Heavyweight Champion and this bout was set up to be proving grounds for both fighters. It ended in a Unanimous Decision for Cane but I think that result is a bit disingenuous to Cantwell. Some judges gave all three rounds to Cane and that just was not the case. The 1st Round went easily to Cane. Cantwell threw only when cornered but landed some good kicks when in range. Luiz handled Cantwell with a good clinch, threw knee/elbow/punch combos, and connected even when Cantwell caught him. The 2nd Round really went to Cantwell as easily as the first went to Cane. He connected with a lot of super fast kicks and half way through the round, Cantwell turned the aggression to eleven. Luiz did get Cantwell in the clinch and just barely missed finishing him with a knee. The 3rd round was very close but it went to Cane for control and damage. All in all, it was a very entertaining fight with both fighters getting close to a finish.
Cantwell: Stay Tuned Cane: Stay Tuned






Eliot Marshall vs Vinicius Magalhaes 205-Light Heavyweight



I could not find film on this fight. Extrapolating their TUF 8 and TUF Finale fights, I assume it was the most boring fight in UFC history. Marshall won by Unanimous Decision.
Marshall: Stay Tuned Magalhaes: Look Away






Denis Kang vs Xavier Foupa-Pokam 185-Middleweight



This fight was almost completely dominated by Denis Kang. At one point in the first round, he almost had a side choke locked in from guard, and proved to be the much superior wrestler. Xavier Foupa-Pokam landed a couple of good strikes but as soon as Round 2 started the bout was over. Kang just took the fight to a gassed Foupa-Pokam. At one point in the 2nd Round, XFP doubled over with his hands on his knees, in the middle of the fight. Let me repeat, in the middle of the fight. Needless to say, Denis Kang won by Unanimous Decision. XFP was too tired to even raise his hands at the end of the bout. WOW.
Kang: Stay Tuned Foupa-Pokam: Look Away






Jason MacDonald vs Nate Quarry 185-Middleweight



This was a pretty easy TKO for Nate Quarry. He took MacDonald to the ground and Nate did not even need to pass guard to slip elbows through for the win.
MacDonald: Stay Tuned Quarry: Look Out






David Loiseau vs Ed Herman 185-Middleweight



There are two stories in this fight: Ed Herman is a much superior wrestler to Loiseau and the referee in this bout is an idiot. Herman dominated this fight with his game plan to wrestle Loiseau to the ground and just beat him from every position. Loiseau had Herman rocked from some wild swings in the third, but that puncher’s chance looks to be about all he has in the UFC. Now, Phillipe Chartier is the worst MMA referee I have ever seen. There are two points in the fight when Herman has just passed Loiseau’s guard and this maladroit that has evidently only officiated kick boxing events tells them he will stand them up if they do not get busy. I am pretty sure passing guard is improving your position and puts you in a position to win, quickly. And one time, I think this referee’s interference caused Herman to get swept. And at other times, the talking monkey Chartier told Herman to get busy when he was working under hooks in from Loiseau’s back. From his freaking back, that is one of the more dominant positions and this guy wouldn’t let Herman work his way to a finish. Ridiculous. Either Chartier needs to learn a little bit about MMA, or he needs to lose his job.
Loiseau: Look Away Herman: Stay Tuned






Mark Bocek vs David Bielkheden 155-Lightweight



This was one of the more lopsided fights on the card. Bielkheden did very little. Bocek took him down early, laid into the ground-n-pound, and finished with a Rear Naked Choke once Bielkheden turned with very little time left in the 1st Round.
Bocek: Stay Tuned Bielkheden: Look Away






Ryo Chonan vs TJ Grant 170-Welterweight



Chonan is one of only two men to submit Anderson Silva and it was the famous Flying Scissor Heel Hook in the Pride promotion. The fight started out with a very close round. TJ was landing some nice combos and Ryo took him down with a nice toss. TJ got Chonan back in his guard pretty quickly and was really active underneath. Ryo could not do much damage and was defending submission after submission. Grant went from a kimura to an arm bar to a triangle to a omoplata and then worked that to sweep for the escape. It was a wonderful dance of Jui Jitsu and defense, and TJ came up swinging, connecting with combos even when tired and taking shots. Grant got a takedown of his own near the end of time to win the round. The 2nd Round went to Ryo as he controlled much of the 5 minutes, applying submissions and getting sweet reverses when he was taken to the ground. The 3rd Round was much of the same from both fighters and the closest round by far. Both men were active from all positions, attempting takedowns, throwing submissions, punches, elbows, and reverses. It was a very entertaining fight and definitely worth the effort to track it down. Grant ended up with a Split Decision but both men ended up with fight of the night in my book.
Chonan: Look Out TJ Grant: Look Out






Sam Stout vs Matt Wiman 155-Lightweight



Wiman came to the octagon with a glorious beard and an entrance reminiscent of the Bushwhackers. Round 1 was really close, but ultimately Wiman had takedowns and was very aggressive so it would go to him. The 2nd Round easily went to Stout. Wiman had lots of submission opportunities, but Stout had him rocked twice in the round and controlled the octagon with some vicious body slams. In the 3rd Round, Stout was aggressive, got a clean takedown, and then defended against Wiman’s Jui Jitsu attempts. However, it appeared that Wiman did all the damage in the last round so it was admittedly a difficult round to score. But it still should have gone to Wiman. Yet, Sam Stout gets a Unanimous Decision. I really don’t see how it was not a split, because the odd rounds were just so freaking close. This was at least the second best fight of the night and arguably the best against the Chonan-Grant bout.
Stout: Look Out Wiman: Look Out






Next I am going to get caught up on my TUF 9 analysis for TUF 9.3 and 9.4. There are three fights in those episodes and some good finishes to talk about. Of course, we have all the Team USA drama, Team UK finally cracks a bit, and Coach Henderson makes the first huge evaluation of the season.

Popularity: 53% [?]

My Self Summary:

I’m open to a lot of things. I’m VERY 420 friendly. I’m way too obsessed with music for my own good. I love tattoos and peircings and can quote pretty much any line from ‘Airplane!’ and ‘South Park.’ My favorite word is ‘fuck’ and I wish I was Bettie Page. I love going to live shows; nothing makes me happier than seeing a band I love live. I’m pretty easy to get along with and I enjoy a lot of things. I love watching football and foreign films. I can go out and party one night and another night I could chill at home.

Last time I was in a relationship was about a year and a half ago and I went through a really bad breakup. I’m ready to rebound from that, but I need somebody who will treat me the way I should be treated.

I’m a very affectionate girl. I love to cuddle and kiss.

I normally date older guys.
UPDATE: okay, i had to do this, because a lot of 65 year old guys were messaging me. By older I mean anywhere from a year older to 15 years older. No offense, but I don’t think changing your diapers sounds romantic to me.

While I do like a ton of things, there are others that I just can’t stnd. For example, if you’re a huge fan of Dane Cook or Family Guy, we proably won’t get along at every level.

What I’m Doing With My Life

Well, I’m joining AmeriCorps for a year to see if that will satisfy me. I was at art school, but everybody was annoyingly cocky about their “unique”" P.O.V.s. In a year or so, I’ll be getting back into film school.

What People Notice About Me

I’m told that I have very pretty eyes…
My butt? I’m told I’ve got a good ass for a white girl.
Oh, and my piercings and tattoos.

I Spend A Lot of Time Thinking About

Zombies, Robots, Dinosaurs, Giraffes…you know, normal stuff.

Six Things I Could Never Do Without

1. Art
2. Music
3. My hair straightener
4. Movies
5. Foul Language
6. Friends

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Popularity: 100% [?]

Shut Your Whore Mouth!!!!!!

Daisy Of Love. Why God? Wasn’t the Swine Flu enough? You Flooded the Earth once, why not do it again rather than punish us this way? VH1 was never PBS but everything up to this point was like “Nova” or “Masterpiece Theater” compared to Daisy Of Love. Why isn’t Obama assuming control of this obviously desperate industry and supplying them with Stevie Nicks and Rod Stewart videos to replace this toxic investment? Then again its better than SHEdaisy…..

Popularity: 24% [?]