The Couch Pirates

I will admit that I am a man with a problem. I live in Oklahoma and I love to make fun of the OU Football team. Love it like a crackhead loves the rock. But this year a friend of mine who is a true fan of the Sooners was very kind to me durning a potentially bad plumbing situation in my Death trap of an Apartment.
That Fan was Couch Pirate Scott.

In my mind a true fan of the Sooners is someone that sticks by the team through the good seasons and the bad. Quite a few will even turn on the team mid game if things look bad, but not Scott. I made him an offer that has now come to a moment of truth. Is this his season?

I offered him one season of no making fun of the Sooners. No Calls at the end of games should they lose, no chants of “tear your Quads!” every time the QB gets sacked. Even if Bob Stoops were to be caught at the Habana Inn with all the Ruf Neks in a Hot Tub….Nothing.

I even Gave him the 1st three games of the season to make his Desicion. Is this his season to not hear my cruel jack-assery towards his team or should he hang on to this golden ticket?

HELP HIM DECIDE! Leave your comments below!!!

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Off the Rack: X-Men Forever “OVERDUE” Edition #6

Issue #6 opens with a classic scene, a Chris Claremont original, its non-other than an “X-Men playing baseball scene”. Yep you heard me right, Uncle Chris went back to that well once again. Most of the X-Men play baseball in the Danger Room, while they should be cleaning it up. They are interrupted by team leader Cyclops who is not too happy with them for disobeying orders. During this time Lil’ Ororo powers start to go haywire and starts creating storms and tornadoes so the X-Men must save themselves from her powers. She finally manages to get control and reel them in.

Next the Danger Room goes all crazy and starts to attack the X-Men that are still recovering from the power surge by Lil’ Ororo. Nightcrawler, Lil’ Ororo, Kitty Pryde and Lockheed all manage to escape via teleporting/phasing out. This leaves Cyclops and Gambit left inside to fight the Danger Room while the others shut it down from the outside.

 Meanwhile Professor X confronts Sabretooth in the kitchen and they have a discussion about trusting and respecting each other. Sabretooth talks about how Kitty Pryde is blood now and it’s because she has more than just Wolverine’s claw in her. Sabretooth continues by saying he will be watching her, and sticking with the X-Men until he gets revenge on “Evil” Storm and the people that sent her to kill his son, Wolverine.

During this Beast and Jean Grey are seen snooping around Xavier’s computer files searching for more evidence about mutants burning out and dying young. They find more proof that what he said is indeed true.

This sucktacular issue wraps up as Lil’ Ororo wonders if the X-men are really for her and if she should stay or go her own way. Nick Fury and Professor X get some information about a Foreign Dispatch Unit that has gone missing in South America and when shown a screen shot of what is there they are surprised. They see a huge crater-like foot print with smashed tanks and jungle life in it, the end.

Not a great ending but that is Uncle Chris’s X-Men Forever tales for you. 

A simple breakdown of the issue would be as follows:

Page 1-8: Some of X-Men are supposed to be cleaning up the wrecked Danger Room (see issues 1-5), but instead start a pick up Baseball game instead. Cyclops interrupts the game. Lil’ Ororo powers go crazy as she creates a tornado in the Danger Room. Cyclops saves Lil’ Ororo and calms her down, danger’s averted.     

Page 9-10: Professor X and Sabretooth talk in the kitchen. Professor X tells Sabretooths he needs to earn respect and Sabretooth claims he only cares about blood. He claims that Kitty Pryde has more than just one of Wolverine’s claws in her.

Pages 11: Beast and Jean Grey are in Beast’s Lab. They discuss the raw power that is know in Kitty Pryde and Sabretooth is watching her. Beast shows Jean the data that he has uncovered from Xavier’s old files on mutants.

Pages 12-17: Back in the Danger Room a combat program begins locking the X-Men inside. Nightcrawler grabs Lil’ Ororo and teleports out, Kitty Pryde grabs Lockheed, phasing to the outside. They shut down the power and leave Cyclops and Gambit inside to fight the room, until the back-up power finally powers down. 

Pages 18-19: Later Gambit, Cyclops and Lil’ Ororo talk about what she wants in life: to stay with the X-Men or go her own way. While this goes on, Nightcrawler and Kitty talks about her gifts (Wolverine’s claw and rage) and how she should use them for good. 

Pages 20-22: Professor X and Nick Fury are notified of a missing Unit in South America. When they get visuals on the area we see a big footprint like crater with crushed tanks and trees inside. What does this mean? 

This issue was simply a filler issue. It had a filler artist (old X-Men Penciller Paul Smith) and filler story, (See X-Men playing baseball) nothing really happened, the story barely moved forward, if at all. The only good thing about this issue is the cover by Tom Grummett and its looks like most of the real artwork was done by the colorist. The inside art was terrible, and this is coming from a Paul Smith fan of his early X-Men work. The story was even worse.  The whole issue could have not happened or happened in 3-4 pages and got the same points across. I can see tons of people dropping this book after this issue. It was bad, so very bad. What is even worse, we the reader paid 3.99 to read this.

It is times like this I ask myself how much longer can I actually continue to read and write articles about this crap.  See you next week.

Popularity: 4% [?]

I haven’t really posted anything lately. Had I not been busy being lazy, I would/should have posted something about how it’s awesome that Uncle Teddy died. Maybe I could mentioned how ACORN has been figuring out ways to get prostitutes home loans so they can bring underage illegal aliens to work in makeshift brothels.

No, I will simply talk about the most fun I’ve had in one single day.

In about 2002 I met a girl I had messed around with was then the recent past. She probably would have liked to date, but since I don’t like spending money on broads that option was off the table. I met her at her job, followed her to house. Upon arrival, I banged her. I then took a shower and was close to leaving when she suggested getting something to eat.

At this point I figured it would be OK to get something, as long as it involved a drive-thru. She wasn’t all that great looking, but she allowed me to stick my penis in her, which is a quality I greatly value in a woman. She drove, and insisted on paying.

Hard to argue with that logic.

Upon the return to her place (never do it at your own place unless you have a temporary residence), we ate what we had ordered. Then, I banged her again, left, and never talked to her in person again. It worked out for both of us.

It was awesome.

This video has nothing to do with that story, but it’s amazing. Watch it once, then watch it again and you’ll see that it gets better as you learn the dance and some of the lyrics he’s singing.

Popularity: 4% [?]

I know this is long but if you want to get to know me then it’s worth the read…

At first sight most people think I’m high maintenance and unapproachable…but I’m the complete opposite. I’m 39 going on 21. I don’t mind getting dirty and sweaty but I get whiny when I get too hot. I can be a girly girl one minute and a tomboy the next. I know how to behave in public but don’t expect it when alone.

I’m a happy, affectionate, fun loving, laid back goof ball that loves to laugh. I’m artistic, creative and intuitive. I definitely use both sides of my brain. My glass is always half full and I’m not a big fan of the “pity party”. I have a good sense of humor and it’s very hard to offend me. I’m in no way politically correct.

I am not sure I am ready for something super serious. I’d like to start out as friends/date and then go from there. I do enjoy my freedom and don’t think that couples should be attached at the hip 24/7. But, the right guy could make me rethink all this.

I do know what I want and I don’t think we should settle for anything less. So, here is a list of the “Must Haves”…:)

1) Must know when to use there, their and they’re in a sentence…:)This is a pet-peeve of mine. I’m not a spelling/grammer nazi and I don’t need anymore emails regarding any grammatical errors in my profile.

2) Must be a Man’s Man…I’m a big “do it yourself” kinda girl…but, I’m not willing to change your flat tire…unless you’re in a body cast.

3) Must have a good sense of humor. A twisted sense of humor is even better.

4) Must never have been featured on America’s Most Wanted or have put an animal in a dryer just to see what would happen.

5) Must be playful. I bite, pinch and pout in order to get my way.

6) Must NOT snore. I’m a light sleeper and it doesn’t take much to wake me up.

7) Must be perfectly imperfect. I don’t want someone with perfect looks, perfect manners, or a perfect life. I want someone who has flaws, scars, even quirks and embraces them.

Top 10 things you should know about me…

1) I don’t like being told I can’t do something.

2) I don’t like balloons, drainage grates, or clowns. I’m just quirky like that.

3) I think men and women should shave from shoulder to toes. Not a big fan of body hair.

4) No matter how minor any injury I sustain is it will require a kiss and a band-aid…or Start Flight

5) I can careless what side of the bed I sleep on.

6) I can’t rub someone’s back while they throw up…or I will throw up.

7) I don’t like talking on the phone…I’d rather text.

I Love to take baths.

9) Currently both of my rotator cuffs are torn.

10) I will not change and I don’t want to change anyone else. If being with me requires change then you’re better off going and watching clouds. They will definitely change for you but I won’t. What you see is what you get.

Okay…now for the whole kid factor. I can’t have kids, so I prefer someone who doesn’t want kids. I love kids and don’t mind someone who already has kids but I don’t want the drama of a psycho baby mama. Now, if you have wonderful kids and a good relationship with their Mother then that I can definitely deal with.

I have a hectic schedule so bare with me when it comes to replying back. If I’m interested I will definitely reply…it just might take a few days.

PS. I don’t twitter, blog or facebook because my life is just not that interesting. I also don’t MSN, AIM or because I just don’t have the desire or time.

Popularity: 13% [?]

Off the Rack: X-Men Forever “LONG OVERDUE” Edition #5

Yes I am behind, very behind.  No. Worse than very behind, for what it is worth I am sorry. Over the next couple of weeks I will post a new “Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition” until I am caught back up. Okay, so we agree I have a lot to get you caught up on, so let me get right to it. 

This issue is the final part of this opening X-Men Forever story arc. So the big battle (or not very big battle) between the Consortium and the X-Men happens for about half the issue. After the fight, the “Evil” Storm (remember she killed Wolverine) flees the X-Men. The X-Men discover they are in one of the Consortium warehouses and are about to search the crates inside, when SHIELD shows up and tells the X-Men that they will take over from this point on.

We finally get to see the fate of Fabian Cortez, remember him from the first issue?  Well in a very short scene we see SHIELD agents tell Nick Fury that a transport ship with Cortez in it has gone missing, and on the next page we see SHIELD agents hand him off to the Consortium soldiers in Northern Africa.

When the X-Men come home, Beast reveals that Lil Ororo and “Evil” Storm are exact genetic copies of each other. Beast also admits that while doing research he wandered into Professor Xavier’s old data files. These are files dating back to when he first became paralyzed. Beast unveils the shocking information he has found and that it’s a secret Professor X’s has kept for years. Professor X tells his X-Men the truth, the truth that mutants seem to eventually “burn out” and die. The more mutants use their powers the less is left to sustain their lives. Which they try to explain is why Magneto “burned out” during the original X-Men #1-#3 stories back in the early 1990’s. The X-Men are upset with this news and the fact they have been told lies all this time by Professor X. Nick Fury interrupts and tells the X-Men that somethings in life are hard, and despite the lies they have done good and saved the world many times, and for that reason alone they should continue on doing good as the X-Men. 

The last pages of the book the X-Men mourn the loss of Wolverine and think about their future. Scott confronts Jean about her feelings for Wolverine. She admits she loves him and they too seem to agree that their relationship is over. Near the end Cyclops convinces the others that they should stay together and continue to make the world a better place. Ahhwww a happy ending.

A simple breakdown of the issue would be as follows:

Page 1-6: Storm is surrounded by the Consortium Troops. Lil Ororo, Gambit, Rogue and Nightcrawler fight another group of Consortium Troops.

Page 6-12: Cyclops, Jean, Shadowcat, and Sabretooth enter the scene and attack the Consortium Troops holding Storm. They all fight the Consortium and beat them, Storm kills one of the troops and flees the scene. The X-Men raid their building and are about to open the crates they found inside, when SHIELD shows up and dismisses them.

Pages 13: Nick Fury and SHIELD are seen fortifying Xavier’s Mansion. A Shield Agent tells Fury that the transport containing Fabian Cortez has gone messing.

Pages 14: The missing SHIELD Transport drops Fabian Cortez off in Northern Africa, Consortium soldiers pick him up. Cortez is confused.

Pages 15-20: Everyone comes home to the mansion. Beast confirms that Lil Ororo is the exact match of the Storm that betrayed the team. Beast also tells the X-Men that he got into Professor Xavier data files and found out that all mutants will likely die young. Professor X admits the data to be true, the more mutants use their powers the less is left to sustain their lives.

Pages 21-22: X-Men hold a very private memorial service for Wolverine. Jean admits she loved him and it looks like Scott and Jean are over. Scott asks the other X-Men to continue on fighting the good fight.

So after five issues we learn in the X-Men Forever Claremont-verse version of the X-Men that; Jean Grey really loved Wolverine more than ever before, mutants can and will “burn out” and likely die young, there is at least one faction in SHIELD working hand and hand with the Consortium, no one cares or wants to care about how and where this Lil’ Ororo came to be even though Gambit obviously knew about her before, Scott and Jean are no more, Sabretooth is Wolverine’s father and is now blind, Shadowcat has one of Wolverine’s claws in her forearm and its functions properly, Wolverine is dead, and finally the writing direction is abysmal.

What this book needs is a good old fashion Chris Claremont softball game. “No!” you scream.  Well, it’s coming, but you will have to wait until next issue for that. See you next week for” Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #6”.

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