I know this is long but if you want to get to know me then it’s worth the read…
At first sight most people think I’m high maintenance and unapproachable…but I’m the complete opposite. I’m 39 going on 21. I don’t mind getting dirty and sweaty but I get whiny when I get too hot. I can be a girly girl one minute and a tomboy the next. I know how to behave in public but don’t expect it when alone.
I’m a happy, affectionate, fun loving, laid back goof ball that loves to laugh. I’m artistic, creative and intuitive. I definitely use both sides of my brain. My glass is always half full and I’m not a big fan of the “pity party”. I have a good sense of humor and it’s very hard to offend me. I’m in no way politically correct.
I am not sure I am ready for something super serious. I’d like to start out as friends/date and then go from there. I do enjoy my freedom and don’t think that couples should be attached at the hip 24/7. But, the right guy could make me rethink all this.
I do know what I want and I don’t think we should settle for anything less. So, here is a list of the “Must Haves”…:)
1) Must know when to use there, their and they’re in a sentence…:)This is a pet-peeve of mine. I’m not a spelling/grammer nazi and I don’t need anymore emails regarding any grammatical errors in my profile.
2) Must be a Man’s Man…I’m a big “do it yourself” kinda girl…but, I’m not willing to change your flat tire…unless you’re in a body cast.
3) Must have a good sense of humor. A twisted sense of humor is even better.
4) Must never have been featured on America’s Most Wanted or have put an animal in a dryer just to see what would happen.
5) Must be playful. I bite, pinch and pout in order to get my way.
6) Must NOT snore. I’m a light sleeper and it doesn’t take much to wake me up.
7) Must be perfectly imperfect. I don’t want someone with perfect looks, perfect manners, or a perfect life. I want someone who has flaws, scars, even quirks and embraces them.
Top 10 things you should know about me…
1) I don’t like being told I can’t do something.
2) I don’t like balloons, drainage grates, or clowns. I’m just quirky like that.
3) I think men and women should shave from shoulder to toes. Not a big fan of body hair.
4) No matter how minor any injury I sustain is it will require a kiss and a band-aid…or Start Flight 
5) I can careless what side of the bed I sleep on.
6) I can’t rub someone’s back while they throw up…or I will throw up.
7) I don’t like talking on the phone…I’d rather text.
I Love to take baths.
9) Currently both of my rotator cuffs are torn.
10) I will not change and I don’t want to change anyone else. If being with me requires change then you’re better off going and watching clouds. They will definitely change for you but I won’t. What you see is what you get.
Okay…now for the whole kid factor. I can’t have kids, so I prefer someone who doesn’t want kids. I love kids and don’t mind someone who already has kids but I don’t want the drama of a psycho baby mama. Now, if you have wonderful kids and a good relationship with their Mother then that I can definitely deal with.
I have a hectic schedule so bare with me when it comes to replying back. If I’m interested I will definitely reply…it just might take a few days.
PS. I don’t twitter, blog or facebook because my life is just not that interesting. I also don’t MSN, AIM or because I just don’t have the desire or time.
Popularity: 13% [?]
WOW! This frecklebeast is a wealth of dichotomies. On one hand you have some pictures that don’t look bad at all, yet I bet her skin feels like a leather sofa from all the tanning. Then you have her very long and informative profile. It has alot of words but I can sum it up for you “i am bat shit crazie and I will drive YOU Crazy too LOL!!” I have to be imperfect but I can’t snore or get mad when you randomly pinch me? You are a grammar nazi that can’t correctly spell Care Less? Its 2 damn words! On the upside her desire not to be around you all the time makes her sound like Pumps dreamgirl. Plus 2 torn rotaor cuffs means she was probably on her hands and knees for hours trying to break an anal gang bang record of some kind.
10 out of 10 for that!
I don’t believe anything in this profile. She’s one of the many women out there who believes that she’s actually not high maintenance, but is, in reality, exceptionally high maintenance (look at those Clockwork Orange eyelashes). Of course, she’s unapproachable.
This line is completely a crock of shit:
“Must be perfectly imperfect. I don’t want someone with perfect looks, perfect manners, or a perfect life. I want someone who has flaws, scars, even quirks and embraces them.”
Bullshit.
Finding someone with flaws is easy. If that’s what she wanted, any chick that looks like Amy could find a guy with flaws in about point five nanoseconds.
What she really wants is for her friends to leave her alone about approaching 40 and not having a guy. Yes, she’d like a relationship… if she can find a millionaire/scientist/model/artist/bad-boy/poet, but if Prince Charming doesn’t show up, she’d like some sex and for you to go away so she can enjoy her life without complications.
She can’t say that she just wants a fucking hook-up because her friends are looking at her profile! Get it?!!
Look, if Amy wants to be friends with benefits, I’m down for that. I’m digging those fat freckled boobs and those pearly whites. Anyone who says that she’s “artistic, creative and intuitive” means that she’s prepared to do Jell-o shots out of my ass.
I like her.
7 of 10
If this girl wants a man that is “perfectly imperfect” she has found her soul mate. I am the definition of “perfectly imperfect”. I am overweight. I am starting to go bald. I have poor eyesight. I collect wrestling figures. I read comic books. I fart a lot. How much more “imperfectly perfect” can one be? Oh wait I re-read the list and well… I snore, so I am out. Dang I was almost the perfect match for Amy, oh well.
I love some of these comments:
“I don’t like being told I can’t do something”.
Really you are telling this to the wrong guy as I would be using reverse psychology on you to get you to do naughty things to me, and maybe my friends.
“I don’t like balloons, drainage grates, or clowns. I’m just quirky like that.”
LOL I don’t know if I would have more fun “fucking you” or “fucking with you.” Lord knows I would hire a clown with balloons to crawl out of a drainage grate just to scare the dog shit out of you. I’m just quirky like that too.
“I think men and women should shave from shoulder to toes. Not a big fan of body hair.”
Well I am not a big fan of big jugs with a leopard print on them either, but I would deal with them. As much as I love to lay the smackdown on a smooth crotch myself, I can’t say I would be willing to shave off all my fur just for a chick. I know I am a semi-hairy guy but I think that all my time spent shaving my body could be used to just find a new chick that does enjoy some body hair and who is not worried about Tinkles the Clown jumping out of a random drainage grate.
“Currently both of my rotator cuffs are torn”.
Really? Really are they both torn? I wonder why she hasn’t got these fixed? Maybe she is a jobless bum with no insurance that wants a “perfectly imperfect” guy to pay for it. Maybe she is just an idiot who thinks she has two torn rotator cuffs but does not. I cast my vote on her being an idiot.
“I Love to take baths.”
I bet you do. So what this means is you would be the one that has to sit and bathe Ms. Tommy John for the rest of her life, because her arms are too jacked up, to this I say… no thanks!
• Would I date this chick? Maybe, depends on how much it would cost to hire Tinkles the Clown to scare her.
• Would I do her? Yes I would. I would tell her what she cannot do, and then be happy to help her prove me wrong. “You cannot let me bang your bottom.”, “You cannot take my man nectar in the face after I pull it out from between those leopard spotted breasts”, and finally “You cannot let me and my buddies enjoy you together and film it. “You cannot do that”, Wow, all of that would be on the first night.
• Would I claim her? Sure, nothing wrong in telling your friends you banged a crazy chick.
Overall Rating: 7.5 out of 10. Guys don’t let this pretty woman fool you there is a reason she is 39 and alone and it’s not the leopard skinned tits. I did give this chick extra points for this quote “I don’t twitter, blog or facebook because my life is just not that interesting”, so true.
To paraphrase Couch Pirate Scott, I will give this wounded doe some corn. She is pretty damn cute and I think she would make a great f-buddy. I would date her bur her age and lack of reproduction potential would not knock her out of the wife category.
Sure, she seems like she could have some problems. She may be high maintenance but I have never believed in that phrase. You keep them tuned up (ie bang it out of them) and they will treat you just right. Look at it this way, if you had a Lexus you would want to get all the maintenance you could, because no matter what if you don’t you will be driving a piece of junk. On the other hand, a piece of junk MAY not require so much work and it still drives…sometimes.
Couple of things though, I snore pretty loud and I am pretty hairy. I could try to shave for a chick but I don’t see that happening long term. And I am never shaving my beard…EVER,so I don’t know how she feels about that. Most of her other stuff is pretty normal, and oh yeah, she is obviously a Stephen King fan.
Except, I don’t get the double rotator cuff injuries? Maybe she was a switch softball pitcher.
You could do naughty things to this girl and she gets a lot of points for having a face I want violate in ways only known to the Elder Great Ones.
-2 for age, -1 for inexplicable injuries = 7 out of 10.
Well, there are definite pluses here. Not wanting a lot of contact is good. No kids = Win. She’s a touch quirky, but that’s OK.
Those lady lumps she’s sporting look awfully nice and she has a pretty face.
All that is trumped by the fact that she looks that good and is 39, something is w-r-o-n-g. Terribly wrong. Unless she was widowed, a chick this hot is rarely single at this age.
Best to stay away if you think she wants something more than a pickle tickle a few times a week. Conversely, if all she wants each week is a few pickle tickles and maybe a burger or two, GRAB ON! Those juggs would look better smacking me in the face while I try to motorboat my way up Space Mountain.
7.4/10
Wow this chick might be the all time highest rating for a Rate this Chick. I least the highest rating we have had in years.
Well I feel sorry for her that she can’t have kids; but at age 39 it’s too late anyway.
I think she’s pretty but she is most definitely high maintenance. You can tell she will be perfectly made up before leaving her house, even if it is for the gym. I think at her age though she may be asking for too much; and really she’s crazy if she doesn’t like hair. Men SHOULD have hair; what else do you rub your fingers through when you lay down and cuddle? Chest hair is the mark of a true man.
I think she is the best of the bunch so far and I give her an 8/10.