The Couch Pirates

I know this is long but if you want to get to know me then it’s worth the read…

At first sight most people think I’m high maintenance and unapproachable…but I’m the complete opposite. I’m 39 going on 21. I don’t mind getting dirty and sweaty but I get whiny when I get too hot. I can be a girly girl one minute and a tomboy the next. I know how to behave in public but don’t expect it when alone.

I’m a happy, affectionate, fun loving, laid back goof ball that loves to laugh. I’m artistic, creative and intuitive. I definitely use both sides of my brain. My glass is always half full and I’m not a big fan of the “pity party”. I have a good sense of humor and it’s very hard to offend me. I’m in no way politically correct.

I am not sure I am ready for something super serious. I’d like to start out as friends/date and then go from there. I do enjoy my freedom and don’t think that couples should be attached at the hip 24/7. But, the right guy could make me rethink all this.

I do know what I want and I don’t think we should settle for anything less. So, here is a list of the “Must Haves”…:)

1) Must know when to use there, their and they’re in a sentence…:)This is a pet-peeve of mine. I’m not a spelling/grammer nazi and I don’t need anymore emails regarding any grammatical errors in my profile.

2) Must be a Man’s Man…I’m a big “do it yourself” kinda girl…but, I’m not willing to change your flat tire…unless you’re in a body cast.

3) Must have a good sense of humor. A twisted sense of humor is even better.

4) Must never have been featured on America’s Most Wanted or have put an animal in a dryer just to see what would happen.

5) Must be playful. I bite, pinch and pout in order to get my way.

6) Must NOT snore. I’m a light sleeper and it doesn’t take much to wake me up.

7) Must be perfectly imperfect. I don’t want someone with perfect looks, perfect manners, or a perfect life. I want someone who has flaws, scars, even quirks and embraces them.

Top 10 things you should know about me…

1) I don’t like being told I can’t do something.

2) I don’t like balloons, drainage grates, or clowns. I’m just quirky like that.

3) I think men and women should shave from shoulder to toes. Not a big fan of body hair.

4) No matter how minor any injury I sustain is it will require a kiss and a band-aid…or Start Flight

5) I can careless what side of the bed I sleep on.

6) I can’t rub someone’s back while they throw up…or I will throw up.

7) I don’t like talking on the phone…I’d rather text.

I Love to take baths.

9) Currently both of my rotator cuffs are torn.

10) I will not change and I don’t want to change anyone else. If being with me requires change then you’re better off going and watching clouds. They will definitely change for you but I won’t. What you see is what you get.

Okay…now for the whole kid factor. I can’t have kids, so I prefer someone who doesn’t want kids. I love kids and don’t mind someone who already has kids but I don’t want the drama of a psycho baby mama. Now, if you have wonderful kids and a good relationship with their Mother then that I can definitely deal with.

I have a hectic schedule so bare with me when it comes to replying back. If I’m interested I will definitely reply…it just might take a few days.

PS. I don’t twitter, blog or facebook because my life is just not that interesting. I also don’t MSN, AIM or because I just don’t have the desire or time.

Popularity: 12% [?]

About Me:

I’m not looking for a man on here at all, I have a man that I am married to. I’m actually looking for a woman…so if your interested, and you are a woman, message me!! Old men need to stop looking at my profile…I DO NOT WANT MEN ON HERE!!!

Just because I say I’m looking for a woman, does not mean that I want to meet a woman just to have sex, being friends first and having that connection first is a must, and I’m not talking about meeting women and getting to know them that way, I’m talking about getting to know women on here. If you disagree with that, don’t read any further, you’ll just be wasting your time.

I’m 28 years old, I have two kids, a two year old and a four month old. I’m married to the best man in the world.

My husband and I are looking for a third person in our life, to be friends with at first, but if more than friendship happens, that’s cool, too. I am bisexual (so is my husband). We are looking for a women, not men.

I love rock music, mainly the new stuff. I think drag clubs are freakin awesome. My favorite band is Green Day…they rock! I can’t stand most rap music, country and R&B.

I love the outdoors, I hate being cooped up all of the time.

I like to read, (you’ll see my favorite Authors when you get to that section).

I love warm weather, I hate being cold.

I do smoke cigarettes, and drink very rarely.

I do NOT believe in god, I consider my self Atheist. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to talk to me, it really wouldn’t hurt my feelings at all. I do believe in Reincarnation and past lives.

I’ve lived in Illinois and New Jersey. I loved New Jersey, but lived there for only four months. I lived in Illinois for seven years.

I’m glad Barak Obama is the President, the other guy that was running for office was just a fucking moron. Excuse my language…I cuss a lot lol. But I do know when not to cuss.

My favorite TV show in the whole wide world is Lost…I’m so addicted to that and can not wait until the new season is on next year, which is supposed to be the very last season.

I love animals, mainly cats, but don’t own one.

I’m not on here looking for men to hook up with or anything like that, I already have a husband that I love with all my heart and soul.

My interests are reading Stephen King books, writing poetry about anything I am thinking about at the time, having fun with my family, I love music…mainly rock, I’m also interested in finding friends on here.

Like I said a few times now probably, I’m not looking for guys…and I won’t answer back to IMs unless I have previously talked to you through IM on here. So if you’re a guy, DO NOT IM ME!!!

Six Things I Can’t Do Without

My kids,
My Husband,
Rock music,
Cigarettes,
Mountain Dew,
& sex, of course.

Pump found this one and sent it to me… I think he deserves credit!

Popularity: 42% [?]

My Self Summary:

I’m open to a lot of things. I’m VERY 420 friendly. I’m way too obsessed with music for my own good. I love tattoos and peircings and can quote pretty much any line from ‘Airplane!’ and ‘South Park.’ My favorite word is ‘fuck’ and I wish I was Bettie Page. I love going to live shows; nothing makes me happier than seeing a band I love live. I’m pretty easy to get along with and I enjoy a lot of things. I love watching football and foreign films. I can go out and party one night and another night I could chill at home.

Last time I was in a relationship was about a year and a half ago and I went through a really bad breakup. I’m ready to rebound from that, but I need somebody who will treat me the way I should be treated.

I’m a very affectionate girl. I love to cuddle and kiss.

I normally date older guys.
UPDATE: okay, i had to do this, because a lot of 65 year old guys were messaging me. By older I mean anywhere from a year older to 15 years older. No offense, but I don’t think changing your diapers sounds romantic to me.

While I do like a ton of things, there are others that I just can’t stnd. For example, if you’re a huge fan of Dane Cook or Family Guy, we proably won’t get along at every level.

What I’m Doing With My Life

Well, I’m joining AmeriCorps for a year to see if that will satisfy me. I was at art school, but everybody was annoyingly cocky about their “unique”" P.O.V.s. In a year or so, I’ll be getting back into film school.

What People Notice About Me

I’m told that I have very pretty eyes…
My butt? I’m told I’ve got a good ass for a white girl.
Oh, and my piercings and tattoos.

I Spend A Lot of Time Thinking About

Zombies, Robots, Dinosaurs, Giraffes…you know, normal stuff.

Six Things I Could Never Do Without

1. Art
2. Music
3. My hair straightener
4. Movies
5. Foul Language
6. Friends

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Popularity: 100% [?]

Self Summary:

I love the outdoors and nature!!! I love music and animals… I am an old fashioned girl who is very romantic… Love long walks, sunsets, the beach, travel…

I do want to be spoiled in every sense of the word!

I am not into web cam sex or any freaky stuff like that… I am looking for something real….

Well, I thought I might as well add more. What is a perfectly intriguing, sweet and mysterious girl doing sitting here in front of this keyboard? I want to be any where but here. I would love to be standing somewhere with sand in between my toes… Maybe looking up at a pryrimid in Egypt… Nah, I don’t want much! LOL!

I want to live my life like the adventure I dreamed it would be 20 years ago. I have been at this job of sifting through profiles for quite some time now. But if I know anything I know that patience, determination and good taste pay off in the end. I want a well traveled man. An educated man, but not a stuffed shirt… An incredibly romantic man… One that can make me melt by just looking at me. One with a mischievious side too… Also a rich man is a must!!! So, let the haters hate, but I am not going to settle for anything less than the whole package… I love to laugh and I have a huge imagination! I am slightly gothic and very dramatic… I love to dress up and I love to hang out in the woods and get all dirty n’ smellin’ like a campfire. I am a kind of “glamorous bohemian” with dreams of becoming a writer… Anyways…Thats all~ for now…XXOO, Lana

What I’m Doing:

Going to college… Looking for my other half… Soaking up sunshine!!! Looking for a man to take care of me… I want to move to the beach in Pensacola to go to college there and be near family… I do not have any problem being a misstress as long as I am spoiled and kept happy… I have had a hard life and am ready to enjoy the finer things in life a rich man can provide… I want to please him of course but I have needs… I want to be VERY spoiled and happy… Call me superfcial if you want but I know what I want and if I am happy~ I guarantee you WILL BE…

I’m Really Good At:

I am an empath, I can sense what others are feeling. I am funny! Alot of times I am not really trying…

If you want to give her a number rating the scale is 1.0 to 10.0.

Popularity: 61% [?]