Wrestling, Mixed Martial Arts, Comics, Zombies and Bacon
Scott
Couch Pirate Radio: Ring Rust 3
Aug 29th
Recorded immediately following UFC 118, this edition of Ring Rust breaks down the PPV from the preliminary matches to the final fights between Randy Couture versus James Toney and the title match of B.J. Penn versus champion Frankie Edgar. The panel is Couch Pirates Scott, Jake, Bryan and Kevin.
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Couch Pirate Radio: Jam Session 7
Aug 28th
Robert Rodriguez takes on another Spy Kids movie and the Couch Pirates take him on! Plus Bryan Singer’s “X-Men: 1st Class”, the upcoming College Football season, Neal Adams’ “The Earth is Growning” video are all covered by the panel. Segments include Chick of the Moment, Jumped the Shark: The Real World and Mate/Fuck/Maul the Sportcasters Edition with Erin Andrews, Suzy Kolber and Stacy Dales. Panel for this episode is Couch Pirates Bryan, Jake, Steve, Scott and Kevin.
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Couch Pirate Radio: Ring Rust 2
Aug 26th
We open with Beefstick Bedlam and quickly move to the deaths of Lance Cade and Skandor Akbar. The panel does a re-cap of WWE’s Summerslam PPV, the injury of Skip Sheffield, why Serena Deeb was released and some on WWE NXT and TNA. Mixed Martial Arts coverage includes a look at the upcoming UFC 118 Pay Per View, Bellator Season 3, Sengoku 14, World Extreme Cage Fighting and King of the Cage. The panel for this episode is Couch Pirate Scott, Jake, Bryan, Steve and Kevin.
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Couch Pirate Radio: Jam Session 6
Aug 24th
The panel talks about Return of the Jedi’s new footage for the Blu-Ray release, independent comic Axe Cop, Brett Farve, Scott Pilgrim vs the World, plus segments Dead or Alive with Charlotte Rae and Jump the Shark with Good Times. The panel is Couch Pirates James, Jake, Pump, Scott and Kevin.
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Off the Rack: X-Men Forever “Still Behind” Edition #7
Oct 13th
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever “Still Behind” Edition #7
A rough breakdown of the issue would be as follows:
Page 1: S.H.I.E.L.D. troops seen investigating “footprint” found in the jungle of the Andes Mountains
Page 2: Nick Fury and the X-Men are at the school talking to the S.H.I.E.L.D. troopers, Beast is trying to convince Fury to send in the X-Men to help.
Pages 3-4: In the Andes Mountains Fury’s men are attacked by something. They cannot make out what it is; only that it is “huge”.
Pages 5-6: Fury and the X-Men hear Fury troopers die in battle. They try to make contact and cannot. Professor Xavier confirms all soldiers are dead. Beast wants answer’s and wants to travel to the Andes Mountains himself.
Pages 7-11: Xavier calls for the rest of the X-Men. Beast thinks these issues could be related to Bolivar Trask (the man who created the Sentinels). Fury and the X-Men argue for a page or so, Fury says that S.H.I.E.L.D. can handle this but finally the X-Men convince him otherwise. Fury agrees to use their help. Cyclops assigns the team of Nightcrawler, Jean Grey, Rogue and Kitty Pryde for the mission. Beast convinces Cyclops he is needed and he is added to the team.
Pages 12-18: During the flight to the Andes Mountains, Fury tells Jean about one of the soldiers that was killed today. The only name Fury’s gives us is “Tommy”. Tommy was the great nephew of Junior Juniper, one of the men killed in Fury’s Howling Commando’s back in World War II. This leads into a flashback about a raid on a Nazi base that was full of all sorts of hardware, experiments and weapons. The Howling Commando’s were sent in to destroy everything. Wolverine was one of Fury’s men on the squad and during the raid he killed Dietrich Trask, a German scientist. So the Trask connection evolves.
Pages 19-22: The X-Men and Fury arrive at the Andes Mountain location only to find the bodies of the dead S.H.I.E.L.D. troopers, all equipment, all vehicles, and weapons are gone. Even the giant footprint has disappeared. The X-Men scout around some, when all of a sudden they are attacked by a Sentinel, to be continued.
I guess Steve Scott (pencils) and Al Vey (inks) are the new art team for this story arc. At times the artwork is very nice and others it is quite painful. As I was reading this issue I thought there were two different people drawing this book but I was sadly mistaken. Maybe they just need some time on the book to get a feel for the characters so I will reserve final judgment at some point later. The nicer pages give fans of the book a lot of hope.
The story, what can I say about it that I haven’t said before? Not much really. Claremont seems to have characters acting out of character just to be different. Beast seems to have a new attitude about him; several times in this issue alone, he comes off snarky, as if he had a chip on his shoulder or something to prove. This Claremont-verse incarnation of Beast is not the same one we read by the same author all these years prior.
Change is good? Maybe for some, in this issue we see change in attire for some of the X-Men. Remy Picard (Gambit) is now wearing a suit and trench coat, no mask and had his hair slicked back. He still has his gloves on and carries his trademark staff. Kitty Pryde (Shadow Cat) has gone to a darker goth-lite look, with streaked purple dyed hair. Beast now supports a long style spandex type pants, instead of the blue bikini briefs. Rogue and Nightcrawler also look to have a new variant costume on as well. Not sure why all the costume changes in the beginning of this series. All I can say to Uncle Chris is this “you can polish a turd all you want but at the end of the day it’s still a turd”.
See you next week.
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever “OVERDUE” Edition #6
Sep 18th
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever “OVERDUE” Edition #6
Issue #6 opens with a classic scene, a Chris Claremont original, its non-other than an “X-Men playing baseball scene”. Yep you heard me right, Uncle Chris went back to that well once again. Most of the X-Men play baseball in the Danger Room, while they should be cleaning it up. They are interrupted by team leader Cyclops who is not too happy with them for disobeying orders. During this time Lil’ Ororo powers start to go haywire and starts creating storms and tornadoes so the X-Men must save themselves from her powers. She finally manages to get control and reel them in.
Next the Danger Room goes all crazy and starts to attack the X-Men that are still recovering from the power surge by Lil’ Ororo. Nightcrawler, Lil’ Ororo, Kitty Pryde and Lockheed all manage to escape via teleporting/phasing out. This leaves Cyclops and Gambit left inside to fight the Danger Room while the others shut it down from the outside.
Meanwhile Professor X confronts Sabretooth in the kitchen and they have a discussion about trusting and respecting each other. Sabretooth talks about how Kitty Pryde is blood now and it’s because she has more than just Wolverine’s claw in her. Sabretooth continues by saying he will be watching her, and sticking with the X-Men until he gets revenge on “Evil” Storm and the people that sent her to kill his son, Wolverine.
During this Beast and Jean Grey are seen snooping around Xavier’s computer files searching for more evidence about mutants burning out and dying young. They find more proof that what he said is indeed true.
This sucktacular issue wraps up as Lil’ Ororo wonders if the X-men are really for her and if she should stay or go her own way. Nick Fury and Professor X get some information about a Foreign Dispatch Unit that has gone missing in South America and when shown a screen shot of what is there they are surprised. They see a huge crater-like foot print with smashed tanks and jungle life in it, the end.
Not a great ending but that is Uncle Chris’s X-Men Forever tales for you.
A simple breakdown of the issue would be as follows:
Page 1-8: Some of X-Men are supposed to be cleaning up the wrecked Danger Room (see issues 1-5), but instead start a pick up Baseball game instead. Cyclops interrupts the game. Lil’ Ororo powers go crazy as she creates a tornado in the Danger Room. Cyclops saves Lil’ Ororo and calms her down, danger’s averted.
Page 9-10: Professor X and Sabretooth talk in the kitchen. Professor X tells Sabretooths he needs to earn respect and Sabretooth claims he only cares about blood. He claims that Kitty Pryde has more than just one of Wolverine’s claws in her.
Pages 11: Beast and Jean Grey are in Beast’s Lab. They discuss the raw power that is know in Kitty Pryde and Sabretooth is watching her. Beast shows Jean the data that he has uncovered from Xavier’s old files on mutants.
Pages 12-17: Back in the Danger Room a combat program begins locking the X-Men inside. Nightcrawler grabs Lil’ Ororo and teleports out, Kitty Pryde grabs Lockheed, phasing to the outside. They shut down the power and leave Cyclops and Gambit inside to fight the room, until the back-up power finally powers down.
Pages 18-19: Later Gambit, Cyclops and Lil’ Ororo talk about what she wants in life: to stay with the X-Men or go her own way. While this goes on, Nightcrawler and Kitty talks about her gifts (Wolverine’s claw and rage) and how she should use them for good.
Pages 20-22: Professor X and Nick Fury are notified of a missing Unit in South America. When they get visuals on the area we see a big footprint like crater with crushed tanks and trees inside. What does this mean?
This issue was simply a filler issue. It had a filler artist (old X-Men Penciller Paul Smith) and filler story, (See X-Men playing baseball) nothing really happened, the story barely moved forward, if at all. The only good thing about this issue is the cover by Tom Grummett and its looks like most of the real artwork was done by the colorist. The inside art was terrible, and this is coming from a Paul Smith fan of his early X-Men work. The story was even worse. The whole issue could have not happened or happened in 3-4 pages and got the same points across. I can see tons of people dropping this book after this issue. It was bad, so very bad. What is even worse, we the reader paid 3.99 to read this.
It is times like this I ask myself how much longer can I actually continue to read and write articles about this crap. See you next week.
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever “LONG OVERDUE” Edition #5
Sep 11th
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever “LONG OVERDUE” Edition #5
Yes I am behind, very behind. No. Worse than very behind, for what it is worth I am sorry. Over the next couple of weeks I will post a new “Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition” until I am caught back up. Okay, so we agree I have a lot to get you caught up on, so let me get right to it.
This issue is the final part of this opening X-Men Forever story arc. So the big battle (or not very big battle) between the Consortium and the X-Men happens for about half the issue. After the fight, the “Evil” Storm (remember she killed Wolverine) flees the X-Men. The X-Men discover they are in one of the Consortium warehouses and are about to search the crates inside, when SHIELD shows up and tells the X-Men that they will take over from this point on.
We finally get to see the fate of Fabian Cortez, remember him from the first issue? Well in a very short scene we see SHIELD agents tell Nick Fury that a transport ship with Cortez in it has gone missing, and on the next page we see SHIELD agents hand him off to the Consortium soldiers in Northern Africa.
When the X-Men come home, Beast reveals that Lil Ororo and “Evil” Storm are exact genetic copies of each other. Beast also admits that while doing research he wandered into Professor Xavier’s old data files. These are files dating back to when he first became paralyzed. Beast unveils the shocking information he has found and that it’s a secret Professor X’s has kept for years. Professor X tells his X-Men the truth, the truth that mutants seem to eventually “burn out” and die. The more mutants use their powers the less is left to sustain their lives. Which they try to explain is why Magneto “burned out” during the original X-Men #1-#3 stories back in the early 1990’s. The X-Men are upset with this news and the fact they have been told lies all this time by Professor X. Nick Fury interrupts and tells the X-Men that somethings in life are hard, and despite the lies they have done good and saved the world many times, and for that reason alone they should continue on doing good as the X-Men.
The last pages of the book the X-Men mourn the loss of Wolverine and think about their future. Scott confronts Jean about her feelings for Wolverine. She admits she loves him and they too seem to agree that their relationship is over. Near the end Cyclops convinces the others that they should stay together and continue to make the world a better place. Ahhwww a happy ending.
A simple breakdown of the issue would be as follows:
Page 1-6: Storm is surrounded by the Consortium Troops. Lil Ororo, Gambit, Rogue and Nightcrawler fight another group of Consortium Troops.
Page 6-12: Cyclops, Jean, Shadowcat, and Sabretooth enter the scene and attack the Consortium Troops holding Storm. They all fight the Consortium and beat them, Storm kills one of the troops and flees the scene. The X-Men raid their building and are about to open the crates they found inside, when SHIELD shows up and dismisses them.
Pages 13: Nick Fury and SHIELD are seen fortifying Xavier’s Mansion. A Shield Agent tells Fury that the transport containing Fabian Cortez has gone messing.
Pages 14: The missing SHIELD Transport drops Fabian Cortez off in Northern Africa, Consortium soldiers pick him up. Cortez is confused.
Pages 15-20: Everyone comes home to the mansion. Beast confirms that Lil Ororo is the exact match of the Storm that betrayed the team. Beast also tells the X-Men that he got into Professor Xavier data files and found out that all mutants will likely die young. Professor X admits the data to be true, the more mutants use their powers the less is left to sustain their lives.
Pages 21-22: X-Men hold a very private memorial service for Wolverine. Jean admits she loved him and it looks like Scott and Jean are over. Scott asks the other X-Men to continue on fighting the good fight.
So after five issues we learn in the X-Men Forever Claremont-verse version of the X-Men that; Jean Grey really loved Wolverine more than ever before, mutants can and will “burn out” and likely die young, there is at least one faction in SHIELD working hand and hand with the Consortium, no one cares or wants to care about how and where this Lil’ Ororo came to be even though Gambit obviously knew about her before, Scott and Jean are no more, Sabretooth is Wolverine’s father and is now blind, Shadowcat has one of Wolverine’s claws in her forearm and its functions properly, Wolverine is dead, and finally the writing direction is abysmal.
What this book needs is a good old fashion Chris Claremont softball game. “No!” you scream. Well, it’s coming, but you will have to wait until next issue for that. See you next week for” Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #6”.
Ring Rust: Really, is this what we want?
Aug 5th
Really is this what we want?
I saw this posted on another wrestling website and I had to comment.
Business Week recently did a story on WWE using the celebrity guest hosts on Raw. When discussing the use of the celebrities, Stephanie McMahon made the following comments…
“When Donald took over we realized that our audience wanted to see something new. We have the ability to change our story line to suit whoever hosts.”
She also said that they were talking to Freddie Prinze Jr., Bob Barker and the Reverend Al Sharpton about hosting Raw in the future.
Really Stephanie McMahon? I mean really? Do you and the other higher ups at WWE really think the high ratings on a commercial free RAW were for Donald Trump? Did you guys all forget that that show was advertized heavily for a week on every show you produce as being commercial free? I know for a fact me and several other Couch Pirates tuned in to see a commercial free RAW, not to see “The Donald”.
I also know for a fact we all hate these guest hosts. We are your customers, we buy the PPV’s, we buy the shirts, we buy your video games, we go to the live local shows, we even went to Wrestlemania 25, some of us (including myself) even buy your action figures. We are the customer’s voice, why aren’t you listening?
I say this. You guys run another two hour commercial free RAW, promote the crap out of it like you did before, advertize a World Title #1 contender tournament like you did before. But this time do it without a Donald Trump or a ZZ Top, heck let a WWE GM like Teddy Long guest host. Then let the people watch and enjoy and I promise you ratings will be high. You guys missed the biggest and best gimmick for ratings you have had to date, it’s not a celebrity guest host it is commercial free television.
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #4
Aug 4th
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #4
So last issue ends with Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) popping the missing claw (that she some-how got by phasing through Wolverine) and maiming Storm across the face. Now the beginning of this issues starts with the same mysterious group of people talking about Storm being their covert agent and how Kitty Pryde has now become possibly one of the most dangerous X-Men. All because of the one claw she now possesses. Sounds crazy? I agree but here it is straight from the comic.
Female silhouette: “The biosignatures phasing through the walls suggest that it is this X-Man, Katherine ‘Kitty’ Pryde, who attacked our Agent”
Male silhouette: “Ms. Pryde? She was thought not to have any offensive capabilities.”
Female silhouette: “None were on file. However long distance spectrometry scans overlaid with body-heat telemetry of the mansion suggest a new theory.”
“Combined with the intercepted S.H.I.E.L.D. transmission regarding Wolverine’s missing claw… our working theory is that this ‘Shadowcat’ somehow now possesses Wolverine’s claw. Making her possibly one of the most dangerous X-Men.”
So this solves an age old question of “How can you make a weak X-Man character more powerful?” Simple, you give it one of Wolverine’s claws!
Moving on, the next scene is the showdown between Storm and Kitty Pryde, there is a lot of talking and a lot of thought balloons over the next couple of pages as the two square off. Finally Storm makes her move and escapes down a secret passage that leads to the Morlock Tunnel which can take a person to Manhattan.
While this is going on the X-Men are still stuck in the Danger Room unable to use their powers because Storm used a power dampener field on them. Know many of you that have read this asked “If they can’t use their powers, how did Kitty Pryde phase out of the room and track down Storm?” for those that asked this I turn to Chris Claremont’s brilliant writing for the answer. It’s on page 5, last panel of the page in a conversation between Rogue and Nightcrawler.
Rogue: “Can’t you teleport us, Nightcrawler?”
Nightcrawler: “No Storm activated the field dampeners! I’m stuck in here with the rest of you.”
Rogue: “Then how was Kitty able to get out?”
Nightcrawler: “Phasing versus ‘porting fraulein…Kitty’s powers aren’t affected.”
See how Uncle Chris explained that. It’s a simple case of phasing versus teleporting. Wow! Who would have thought that the same dampener field that has stymied all the other X-Men’s powers didn’t affect Kitty’s phasing, maybe she is the most dangerous X-Men of all. I could talk all day long about the bad dialog in this issue but I need to move on.
As the story continues Kitty Pryde rescues the X-Men from the Danger Room. The X-Men decide it’s best to split up the team to track down Storm with one team chasing her through the Morlock Tunnel and another heading to Manhattan. Before they leave, Jean Grey returns healed and ready for battle in a totally new costume, that I will add no even mentions. Before heading out they convince Sabretooth to play by their rules and join the team to track down Storm. He agrees since she killed his son, Wolverine, and joins Cyclops, Jean Grey and Kitty Pryde in tracking down Storm via the Morlock Tunnel. They catch up and confront Storm which leads to a fight in the tunnel. Storm attempts to drown them and manages to escape. While coming out of the tunnel she is met by what she calls “Consortium Agents”. She asks if they have been sent to retrieve her and their reply is “Not quite… we’re here to kill you.”
While all this is happening Nick Fury, Professor Xavier and Beast are trying to follow Storm via the “orbital scanner grid” where they pick up on two “Storm” signatures. Professor X instructs Rogue, Gambit, and Nightcrawler (the X-Men that were sent to Manhattan) to investigate the other signature. The signature leads them to the Brooklyn Bridge. While Gambit is dropped off to look around he is shown talking to himself until someone else answers, he turns around and… it’s a teen aged looking Storm, or as Gambit calls her “Ororo”. Gambit and Ororo embrace in a hug and the issue ends with them as targets in the crosshairs of an off panel weapon of some kind. So it looks like we have a clone Storm running around the “Claremont-verse” but which one is the real Storm?
A simple breakdown of the issue would be as follows:
Page 1: Silhouette of people talking about their “Storm” and the changes to Kitty Pryde.
Page 2-4: Storm and Kitty Pryde (Shadowcat) are at a standoff and we see that Storm has been cut across the face from Kitty’s new claw. Storm escapes down a passage that leads to the Morlock tunnel and Manhattan.
Page 5-7: X-Men stuck in Danger Room are rescued by Kitty Pryde. Fury, Prof X and Beast talk about Kitty’s new claw.
Pages 8-14: X-Men decide to split into two teams to track Storm. One goes via the tunnels, one goes to Manhattan. Cyclops convinces Sabretooth to join up with them. Jean Gray returns fully recovered and in a new uniform. Beast becomes obsessed with tracking down Storm for killing Wolverine.
Pages 15: Rogue, Nightcrawler and Gambit head to Manhattan.
Pages 16-20: Jean Grey, Cyclops, Kitty Pryde and Sabretooth head after Storm via the Morlock tunnel. Storm confronts them and tries to drown them. She eventually escapes the tunnels and is confronted by Consortium Agents who she thinks are there to retrieve her, but they are assigned to kill her.
Pages 21-22: Rogue, Nightcrawler and Gambit go to the Brooklyn Bridge. While on the bridge Gambit is shocked to see Ororo. Yes another Storm-esque character. She hugs Gambit and says “Wolverine found me… helped me… escape…”, as they hug the issue ends with the both of them in the crosshairs of a rifle.
So the last few weeks I really thought the book was improving but boy was I wrong this issue might be the worst of the bunch. Some of the dialog is so darn bad, it made me laugh while reading it. The artwork is also getting worse. This issue was a week behind schedule so maybe the artist can’t keep up a twice a month schedule. I am still trying to figure out why this title of all titles is coming to us twice a month. My theory is Marvel is trying to sell the retailers and reader as many books as possible before people catch up on their reading or orders and realize this comic is a hunk of poo.
See you in two weeks for Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #5
Below are some brief reviews for books from the week of July 29th 2009.
Batman: Brave and the Bold #7 (DC)
In this issue Batman teams up with the Doom Patrol! The Mad Mod kidnaps half the Doom Patrol and its up to Batman and Beast Boy to save them. They free the remaining members and defeat the Mad Mod with ease. This comic is a great fun read and is done the same vain as the TV show, plus it’s only $2.50!
Fantastic Four #569 (Marvel)
Doom’s Master Part 4 or 4. It’s the Final Showdown between the Marquis of Death and Fantastic Four. A more powerful Dr. Doom returns to help the Fantastic Four stop the Marquis of Death. It will be interesting to see if this new more powerful Dr. Doom that Mark Millar has created will carry over to the rest of the Marvel Universe or even on to the next time the FF face him in their own book. Ben Grimm’s wedding takes place this issue, but it is Grimm that backs out at the last second; poor Thing no one will ever let him be happy.
This issue marks the end of the FF run by Mark Millar and Bryan Hitch, not a complete run of the book though if you ask me. Hitch couldn’t even pencil one panel of this last issue but have no fear Stuart Immonen did a great job on the book. Mark Millar even let Joe Ahearne script the last couple of issues based off his story ideas. Overall their run or near run was fun and exciting but felt more like the Ultimate Fantastic Four and less like the regular 616 Marvel Universe FF we know and love. I would still recommend these stories whether in single comic form or trade paperback form to all comic fans.
Justice League of America #35 (DC)
Sad to say I almost didn’t pick up this issue. I have been a reader of the Justice League for many years now and this run of JLA has just sucked in my opinion. I didn’t enjoy the Brad Meltzer/Ed Benes reboot stories. I didn’t care for the issues by Dwayne McDuffie even though I thought I would. This issue has given me faith in this book. I really liked this issue and cannot wait (for the first time in a long time) for the next installment. Simply put: the JLA verses the Royal Flush Gang in Las Vegas, both the dialog and artwork are well done and consistent characters seemed like they acted like they should. Plus the return of… well you will have to check it out and see for yourself. For the first time during this current run I give JLA #35 two thumbs up, Thank you Len Wein and Tom Derenick!
New Avengers #55 (Marvel)
The New Avengers are facing the Hood and his gang of villains once again. This time the Avengers retreat to fight another day. Tension begins to rise in the Hood’s gang of villains as some are tired of taking orders from the Hood. While at New Avengers headquarters (Bucky Captain America place) the team starts to wear out their welcome with Bucky Cap; the place is a mess and the team is starting to fight amongst themselves about what they should do with Norman Osborn. Wolverine leaves the team to head out to San Francisco, not sure if this is temporary or not. Near the end of the issue, the Hood’s gang of villains plant a trap for the New Avengers and by the last page it looks like they win. The rest is to be continued. Stuart Immonen (that guy again) becomes the new regular artist on New Avengers book in this issue.
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #3
Jul 14th
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #3
In the beginning of this issue we find out that some unknown group has planted a secret “Agent” on the X-Men’s team. In the first pages of the book we find out that Sabretooth (whom attacked Storm last issue) only infiltrated the X-Men mansion to track down Wolverine’s killer. We discover in this “X-Men Forever” reality Sabretooth is Wolverine’s father who returns every year to fight his son on his birthday. What a great dad, no wonder Wolverine is so screwed up. This father/son idea is just Chris Claremont again making sure you know this is his reality and he controls everything in it. Claremont’s original origin for Sabretooth was this idea of him being Wolverine’s dad, so I guess doing X-Men Forever allowed our boy Chris to bring back what I assume he thinks are better ideas for certain characters. If the story idea of X-Men Forever is that these stories take place after X-Men 1-3 and everything up to that point and before are in continuity then why is Claremont bringing up one of his old ideas that never seen print before. I mean are we to believe that every time Sabretooth had shown up to fight Wolverine before this moment it was his birthday? Good grief.
Despite all this Storm wants to kills Sabretooth and move on (Does that sound familiar? See Wolverine in issue #1). The X-Men disagree with Storm. Shadowcat continues to complain about her arm hurting. This has been a complaint of hers since she first phased through Wolverine in issue #1. While the X-Men argue the fate of Sabretooth, Professor Xavier mind probes Jean Grey to see if he can find out who might have killed Wolverine, since Jean was mind-linked to him and seeing what he saw right before he died. Through the mind probe we see that Jean and Wolverine had deeper feelings for each other, deeper than any of us ever knew. Which is Claremont adding more of something that was never there before, sure there was a crush between the two, but a crush is not what we see here. Professor X is shocked to learn of the bond between these two and more shocked to find out it was Storm that killed Wolverine.
Upon finding this out Professor X orders Cyclops to capture both Sabretooth and Storm. Jean has a “Phoenix moment” and threatens to kill Storm herself for killing the man she loved (Yes in this reality she loves Wolverine), sigh. Jean quickly collapses due to fatigue. Cyclops notices that Jean said she loved Wolverine, but realizes that the duties of leading the X-Men come first and orders the X-Men to apprehend Storm and Sabretooth. Storm attacks the X-Men, this battle wages on for a couple of pages until she has had enough and locks the X-Men in the Danger Room with a power dampener on so they cannot follow her. Shadowcat (somehow) phases through the wall despite the power dampener field being on and gives chase after Storm. Once Shadowcat finds her, Storm orders her to stand down, but Shadowcat refuses so they begin to brawl. During the battle a familiar noise is heard “SNIKT!”, that’s right the pain in her arm since issue #1 has been one of Wolverine’s claws stuck inside her. She pops out that claw and gouges out one of Storm’s eyes. Storm screams in pain and this is where the issue ends.
A simple breakdown of the issue would be as follows:
Page 1: Silhouette of people talking about their “Agent” engaging and killing Wolverine.
Page 2-4: X-Men recover from battle with Sabretooth in the Danger Room. Storm wants to kill him. Shadowcat complains about her arm hurting.
Page 5-11: Professor X and Hank McCoy work on Jean Grey in the infirmary. Professor X enters Jeans mind to see what she saw through Logan’s eyes right before he died. Storm killed Wolverine.
Pages 12-14: X-Men talk to Sabretooth. We find out Sabretooth is Wolverine’s father and wants to avenge his son’s death. Professor X orders Cyclops to capture both Storm and Sabretooth.
Pages 15-20: Jean Grey has a “Phoenix moment” and attacks Storm before collapsing from fatigue. Storm fights the X-Men.
Pages 21-22: Storm runs from the battle, Shadowcat chases her down. Storm attacks first, but Shadowcat pops a claw “Snikt!” and gouges out one of Storms eyes, continued next issue.
This book is pure comic crap crack! How can I love to hate a comic so bad? Some of the plots already feel the same. Last issue we saw Storm blinding Sabretooth now it looks like Shadowcat has done the same thing to Storm, two similar endings in 2 of the 3 books so far. Another re-occurring plot theme is Wolverine wanting to kill and dispose of Cortez in issue #1 and Storm wanting to do the same in issue #3 to Sabretooth. Maybe these plots will all play out as there are still two more parts to this first story arc. Only time will tell, but so far the story is still a heaping pile of poo.
See you in two weeks for Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #4
Below are some brief reviews for books from the week of July 8th 2009.
R.E.B.E.L.S. #6 (DC)
So according to this issue we finally get to meet the “REAL” Starro the Conqueror, and he looks a lot like Frank Frazetta’s Death Dealer character. Regardless of his look, Vril Dox and his gang of space traveling heroes strike back at the invading Starro Army, but is it enough?
Wednesday Comics #1 (DC)
Pure comic awesomeness! Everything about this is fun and well worth the price. This is the kind of comic that will pull former comic readers back into comic shops.
This is the first issue of the weekly newspaper formatted comic, inside is 15 oversized and serialized stories all done by different creative teams which include: Batman by Brian Azzarello and Eduardo Risso, Kamandi by Dave Gibbons and Ryan Sook, Hawkman by Kyle Baker, Deadman by Dave Bullock and Vinton Heuck, Superman by John Arcudi and Lee Bermejo, Green Lantern by Kurt Busiek and Joe Quinones, Metamorpho by Neil Gaiman and Mike Allred, Teen Titans by Eddie Berganza and Sean Galloway, Strange Adventure (Adam Strange) by Paul Pope, Supergirl Jimmy Palmiotti and Amanda Conner, Metal Men by Dan Didio and Jose Luis Garcia-Lopez, Wonder Woman by Ben Caldwell, Sgt. Rock by Adam Kubert and Joe Kubert, Flash by Karl Kerschl and Brendan Fletcher, and finally The Demon and Catwoman by Walter Simonson and Brian Stelfreeze. WOW! With a line up like that it is a no brainer get this book!
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #2
Jun 30th
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #2
This issue starts off with a couple of police officers finding a burning body in Central Park. It’s Wolverine’s body and he seems really dead this time, nothing is left but an Adamantium skeleton sans the middle claw on his right hand. While back at the mansion we find out the X-Men were attacked mentally by someone or something at the end of last issue and Jean took the brute of the force herself, but the attack still knocked out several X-Men and power at the mansion. So now the X-Men are injured and in the dark. Fury suspects someone is in the mansion and he is right. Storm heads down to the power generators to jump start them back on. Before she accomplishes her goal she is attacked by Sabretooth. They talk and fight for a couple of pages and Storm leads Sabretooth into the Danger Room to fight in a more open space so she may use her powers better. Before they fight further the rest of the X-Men run in and help Storm. The battle continues on with Sabretooth getting the best of the X-Men until Storm strikes. She uses her weather based powers to create a lightning strike which blinds Sabretooth. The X-Men look shocked at the extreme force Storm uses to stop Sabretooth. As they talk Sabretooth gets up and assures the X-Men that this fight is not over yet.
A simple breakdown of the issue would be as follows:
Page 1-2: Police find Wolverine’s body
Page 3-8: X-Men recover from the mental attack. Power is out on the mansion.
Page 9-10: S.H.I.E.L.D. investigates Wolverine’s body.
Pages 11-12: Fury gets a feeling the X-Men aren’t alone in the mansion.
Pages 13-16: Storm goes to turn the power on, Sabretooth attacks Storm.
Pages 17-21: X-Men run in to save Storm and attacks Sabretooth. Storm blinds Sabretooth.
Page 22: A blind Sabretooth vows this fight isn’t over, continued next issue.
Overall this issue was heads above the last issue. Tom Grummett’s art seemed to improve a lot since the last issue. I’m sure that comes from getting more and more familiar with the characters and starting to morph the characters into his own drawing style instead of mimicking a style similar to what they where doing in the 1990’s. I thought the cover of X-Men Forever #2 was very nice (also by Grummett) and at first glance reminds me of an Alan Davis penciled cover.
The writing seemed less wordy for the sake of being wordy, so that is good. The story is still up in the air. I mean we have had two issues and nothing but unexplained fighting scenes have happened. Cortez shows up and fights for no reason in issue #1 and now in this issue Sabretooth does the same thing. Both issues also had the X-Men getting blindly attacked. Issue #1 saw the Blackbird jet get blown away, and this issue we learn Jean prevented a blind attack between issue #1 and issue #2. I will assume we will eventually find out who is behind these attacks but for a comic that is $3.99 you had better hook readers in within the first couple of issues.
If you read the above it almost sounds like I am saying this issue was good, make no mistake I am not saying that at all, I am simply saying it seemed better than the last pile of crap Claremont gave us.
And for those other reviewers and fans that think I am picking on Chris Claremont go back and re-read X-Men #1 – #3. Go dig them out and re-read them. While the dialogue is still wordy the story itself is great. Jean wasn’t running around during those issues getting all hot and bothered by Wolverine like she was in X-Men Forever #1. In fact the Scott Summers/Jean Grey/Wolverine love triangle that Claremont decided to shove down our throats in X-Men Forever #1 was only mentioned in one sentence in all three of those issues of X-Men #1 – #3.
If I could make a complaint about those issues it wouldn’t be the story but the art, and that was because it just felt outdated but then again it was 18 years ago. So before you bitch about me being mean to Chris Claremont go re-read X-Men #1 – #3 then read X-Men Forever #1 and then you will see what a hunk of crap that comic is.
See you in two weeks for Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #3
Below are some brief reviews for books from the week of June 17th 2009.
Dark Avengers #6 (Marvel)
The Dark Illuminati gather, Norman Osborn and Namor butt heads. Atlantean terrorists attack Melrose, California. Iron Patriot (Osborn) sends in the Sentry to take care of the problem and he does. At the end of the issue, Norman is shown breaking down from the stress of everything and talking to another voice in his head. Could the Green Goblin be coming back soon? I hate to tell people they need to be reading at comic that is $3.99 but this is one that delivers each month.
Secret Warriors #5 (Marvel)
The return of Nick Fury and the Howling Commandos! The Secret Warriors and Fury’s boys have had enough and strike Hydra head on. Great Issue! This series is great and still only $2.99.
Sonic Universe #5 (Archie Comics)
30 Years Later Part 1 of 4 starts here! Sonic is now King and everyone is happy, right? The Dark Presence led by Lein-Da wants to assassinate Sonic and they almost succeed. But just as a missile is about to hit Sonic and family they are saved by Silver the Hedgehog. Silver is a time-travelling hedgehog that has come back in time to save his future. More to come next issue! Yes it’s goofy and made for kids but for only $2.50 it was a good fun read.
Thunderbolts #133 (Marvel)
We find out who Yelena Belova (Black Widow II) is really working for in this issue. Ant-Man wants to quit the team but realizes he might have to kill Norman Osborn to do it. At the end we are introduced to what looks to be a new character named Scourge who Osborn assigns to the team. Songbird also returns!!!
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #1
Jun 12th
Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #1
It’s 1991. Professor Xavier had just lost the use of his legs (again). The X-Men teams were just divided up into two teams, X-Men Blue which is led by Cyclops (Scott Summers) and X-Men Gold led by Storm(Ororo). The comic titled X-Men (not to be confused with the comic Uncanny X-Men) was fresh out of the gates and just saw the death of Magneto in issue #3. Jim Lee was the artist of this book and helped make it such a hit, selling over eight million copies of issue #1, the best selling comic of all time (still holding that record today). Chris Claremont was the writer of those first 3 issues. Claremont left the book after issue #3 and Marvel altogether over what was deemed “a series of clashes with editor Bob Harras”.
Cover to X-Men Forever #1 by Marvel Comics
After Claremont, the book “X-Men” continued on and ran ten years before becoming “New X-Men” by Grant Morrison with issue #114. Once Morrison departed the book it dropped the “New” back to just “X-Men” in issue #155. The book was then renamed again with issue #208 being called “X-Men: Legacy” and is still in that current form today.
Make sense so far? Here’s where Claremont and chaos join together. Now some 18 years later, Chris Claremont is back and wants to pick up where he last left the “X-Men” at the end of issue #3. So this series “X-Men Forever” is like “What If? Chris Claremont never left the X-Men in 1991… the Series”. This creates a new tangent X-Men continuity all for ole Chris himself to play with.
Right off the bat you can see this is the “X-Men” book Claremont wanted to do back in 1991. On the opening page you get a little back story explaining that these events happen after X-Men#3, etc. etc. etc., with a head-shot of all the characters on the team with their respective names underneath. Most X-Men fans will notice right away that the card throwing, Cajun mutant known as Gambit has had his name changed from Remy LeBeau to Remy Picard. Since we know that Gambit’s real name didn’t surface until after Claremont left the book, one can assume Claremont had the “Picard” name for Gambit long before those writers after him. Great job Chris; way to establish immediately that this comic is yours and your vision only. Finally after 18 years I got to see Gambit’s true name as it was always meant to be, Remy Picard.
Remy Picard? 1991? Sounds familiar? I think someone was a Star Trek: Next Generation fan. Enough back story let’s get to the comic.
The book opens up with the X-Men playing softball and having a picnic, just joking! The book opens up with Jean Grey (yes it is 1991 so she is there) and Logan making out on a beach. We find out on the next page Jean is just daydreaming while her and her fellow X-Men; Wolverine (Logan), Cyclops, Nightcrawler Kurt Wagner), Shadowcat (Kitty Pryde), and Gambit are all on the Blackbird (X-Men Jet) tracking down Fabian Cortez after the events of X-Men#3. Fellow X-Men flyers Storm and Rogue are seen outside the plane.
Over the next few pages we see that Nick Fury is at Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters working with Professor X and the X-Men to help track down Cortez. During the exchange of words between Fury and Xavier, we go back to the X-Men and all of them have at least one panel or more dedicated to a lot of long boring thoughts. The characters seem to talk or say something just for the sake of speaking or filling up the panel with words. During these pages I am reminded that sometimes less is more, Claremont seems to be on the more words means more important, which is not the case.
By the forth page you can tell Claremont is really making sure the readers haven’t forgot the whole Cyclops, Jean and Wolverine love triangle thing. Now it’s been nearly 20 years ago, but I remember Cyclops and Jean being in love, and Wolverine being the bad boy that wants his girl. Claremont writes Jean Grey as this girl that has moist panties for Wolverine all the time, but must keep dating Scott Summers so she can be crowned the Queen-at -Senior-Prom. All of this is poorly executed, maybe this love triangle has always been written this bad, and thankfully my mind has chosen not to remember those times.
On page 5 is when the action begins “BOOM!” an explosion happens and the Blackbird is coming down. Over the next 2 pages we the readers get to see the characters fall, and talk and fall some more. Of course they all make it to the ground safe and sound, like good X-Men would. Storm and Rogue think they can track down the person that caused this and fly off.
By page 8, the infamous Fabian Cortez is shown attacking the X-Men and the story claims they all just stumble upon each other. So at least for now we know the Blackbird was shot down by someone else. Cortez battles the first wave of X-Men with ease, and finally Storm and Rogue come back to engage him it battle. Cortez seems much more powerful than I ever remember him being, but again this is X-Men #4 in Claremont eyes so maybe this was the Cortez to be.
For the next 11 pages there is a long drawn out fight with the X-Men finally beating Cortez. After the battle Wolverine wants to kill Cortez and be done with it, Cyclops steps in and tells them they are taking him prisoner and turning him over to the proper authorities.
The next couple of pages have the X-Men thinking and dealing with their different experiences while battling Cortez. Shadowcat is shaken up by the thought that Wolverine wanted to kill Cortez. Rogue is haunted by what she saw when her and Storm make contact accidently during the battle. Storm wants to talk to Rogue about what she saw. Gambit doesn’t know what is wrong with Rogue, but knows she isn’t right. Then of course there is the ole stand by Cyclops, Jean Grey, Wolverine love triangle that Claremont loves to write about.
During these pages we also find out that Nick Fury will start working with and watching over the X-Men to help them, since everyone in the world still hates them despite them saving people from evil mutants time and time again. Wolverine is worried the Government will decide to eventually stop watching and working with them and will eventually betray them so he quits the team on the spot.
The last page is of course a cliffhanger ending. The setting is Xavier’s office with him, Fury, Cyclops and Jean talking. Jean’s mind is of course wandering off to talk to Logan, and he being the tough guy, he tells her to butt out. While talking to Logan she tells him something is wrong where he is, and he admits the same thing and asks her to look through his eyes to tell him what she sees and of course she sees something horrible and tells him to get out of there. While doing this she yells out “LOGAN?”, Fury, Professor X , and Scott Summers are all shown in shock. End of issue #1 of X-Men Forever, or X-Men #4, whatever you want to call it.
A simple breakdown of the issue would be as follows:
Page 1: Jean has a wet dream about Logan.
Page 2-4: Talking and thinking, while flying.
Page 5: BOOM! Jet blows up.
Pages 6-7: Falling and talking.
Pages 8-18: Fighting Cortez, lots of talking.
Pages 19-20: Dealing with Cortez and injuries, find out about working with Fury.
Page 21: Wolverine quits, more talking
Page 22: More talking, something happens to Wolverine.
Overall this is a very bad comic, Claremont must have nude pictures or something of Joe Quesada (Marvel’s Editor in Chief) to get him to agree to publish this. This ranks up there with John Byrne’s “Blood of the Demon” series by DC years ago. That series was so bad I couldn’t stop reading it, and like that series I will continue to read this just for the sheer crap this book is. This folks is the car wreck you can’t pull your eyes away from.
See you in two weeks for Off the Rack: X-Men Forever Edition #2
Trek You!
May 7th
Rejoice Star Trek fans. Rejoice! Finally we have a Star Trek movie with some balls, a movie worthy of being called a movie. A movie finally worth the price of admission; a Star Trek movie you will want to see again.
We are the coolest virgins! No we are!
For years Star Trek fans have wanted to argue with Star Wars fans about which franchise was the best. For years “Trekkies” have had nothing but the leg of “The Wrath of Khan” to stand on, rejoice Star Trek fans with this movie, J.J. Abrams brings you hope.
To me, this was the best Star Trek movie we have had. No disrespect to the original cast members or the people that tried to make those movies great, but this movie gave us what none of those others could. Finally we have a Star Trek movie that felt like a real movie, not a made for television movie that they decided to release in the theaters, just a real damn good film.
For the record I hate time traveling movies, hate them, but I accepted a long time ago that Star Trek will always be full of crappy time travel stories. The time travel in this movie was well done and about the best possible solution for a franchise reboot that I have seen. This film is by far the best reboot/relaunch/redo movie I have seen yet. This kept the old legacy alive and the future fresh for the franchise. Star Trek fans should line up and suck the balls of J.J. Abrams thanking him for what he and the crew did for this franchise. It was nothing short of astounding. I hope the people in Hollywood make sure and sign him to the next 3 to 4 Star Trek movies, because I want more of where this came from. Until tonight I wasn’t a fan of Abrams, or I should say I never seemed to watch his works, maybe I should rethink my decision. I do not want to give the plot away on this movie so I won’t, but this is a movie you should see for yourself.
Trek You! Lucas, Trek You!
Star Trek fans be proud. Stand up. Look tough and go find that Star Wars fan that always heckled you. Look him dead in the eyes and ask him how the last 3 prequels compare to your reboot/prequel. Watch them stall and talk about the original trilogy. When this happens shout Ewoks! Watch them sweat as they try to say “The Phantom Menace” was decent. Shout Jar Jar Binks! Watch them put their heads down towards the ground as they try and convince themselves the dialog in those movies was passable. And when they are done be gentle and left their head, smile and give them “the finger” because this round belongs to you. Trek You!
